Wednesday, July 13, 2016

8 years.

The last 8 years of my life have been a blur of happiness, sadness, anger, deceit, elation, changes, resentment, love, shame, tears, joy, and passion.

I've had 3 children come from my body. The 2 that remain are 3 and 5. Boys, with brains full of wonder and bodies packed with energy. My 5 year old is entering Kindergarten in the fall and 3 year old just began pre-school. My boys are smart (they better be after I breastfed both of them for a year!)

I've been a nurse for 7 years.  In those 7 years I've worked in a Psychiatric Hospital, a busy telemetry/cardiac floor, and taught 1st time mothers in their homes for the last 5 years. I like what I do but it's time to advance. I don't feel like a "nurse-NURSE" if you will.  I don't give needles or participate in codes. All that hospital shit. It's too stressful for me and I never wanted to work in a hospital setting anyway. I have my BSN and I want that MSN. I've come to the conclusion i'll go for Pediatric NP next year. I like working with children. Adults are a pain in the ass. Just have to get my ducks in a row.

ActivistGuy and I are breaking  up. I broke it off. We still live together for now but it looks as if we have run our course as romantic partners; for reasons I may or may not explain later. Marriage never happened though we still love each other.

At this point in my life I feel overwhelmed, lonely, happy some days, sad at other times. I'm in the phase of life where nothing but " The Schedule" matters. Wake up tired, get the kids ready for school, find missing socks, fight traffic, drag the kids in, drag ass to work, work-work-work, pick up the kids, dinner, try to keep kids from killing each other, bath, bed, watch L&HH, eat dinner, go to bed (late) and wake up--Mu'fucking tiiiied *in my Young Thug daughter voice*

Something just told me to write about this tonight. So I did.  I know I have lots to be grateful for. And on most days I am.  But, on those days (like today) where I feel mad at the world I need an outlet. This used to be it for me--blogging.

I practice Nichiren Buddhism now. If you're not familiar just think of Tina Turner chanting "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" with her home girl right before she beats Ike Turners ass in the limo in "What's Love Got To Do With It." I became interested in high school. Early January of this year a mutual friend of ours introduced me to it. There's hella black women that practice and made me feel comfortable. Takes getting used to and I forget to chant but it helps when things get really rough. No, I have not abandoned the concept of Christianity but this practice keeps me sane when Jesus is too busy to take that wheel.  Buddha got my back too yall.

CHILE PLEASE- Bear with me...

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