Saturday, August 22, 2009

Short and Sweet

Job Search-
Didn't get the job I had 3 fuckin interviews for! They went for someone more experienced. Yea, more experienced in eating open-faced mayo sandwiches and wearing birkenstocks. Fuck them. Still putting out apps. Thinking about moving out of state.

SexyJamaican- Moved in with his lazy-eyed g/f. He still doesn't think I know about this whole fuckery fest. Trying to forgive him (for my sanity) and move on.

Activist Guy- He is a mini Barack Obama with glasses. Always doing this and that for the community. He's is over vigilant at times and that annoys me. I miss him.

Other mens- Even though I miss AG. Still not interested in the peen havers. Still annoyed when I feel one undressing me with his eyes. Which brings me to my next subject...

Sex- *cues Jill Scott-Celibacy Blues*

Jalopy- In and out of the shop for 3 weeks. Just got it back today. Running fine. Can't wait to buy a new car.

Fam- Mom started ushering in church. I am proud of her. Just 6 years ago she was smoking and drankin and carryin' on like the heathen I am now. Go mom!

Friends- Not in the mood to chum it up. Was supposed to attend BBQ w/my girl. I forgot all about it until she called and left an irritated cunty ass message. This girl just does not know what i'm going thru right now. She'll get over it.

God- I been talking to him a lot lately. Faaaar from a saint, but I'm trying to become more spiritual than i've been these past several years. Trying to stop cursing (out loud anyway lol)

CHILE PLEASE- just ...chile please at everything right now!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Showing ♥ to my readers!

Ok, so i'm transitioning back into the blog world. I really love my readers and all the comments & advice you leave me. Your words and encouragement have gotten me through many a'drama. Whether it's one sentence or a paragraph, I appreciate all of you!

With that said i'm going to try my best and highlight a blogger a week. So don't fret if I don't get to you one week, i'm gonna try to get to everyone who leaves comments on the regular (Complex, Mimi, IntrospectiveGoddess, HoustonGirl, Insatiable..the list goes on :) Here goes. First up...


This man must read my mind because his comments are always on point. Giving me a dose of reality like it was medicine yall. Plus I love the male perspective when it comes to their fellow peen-havers. I can't tell if he's fine or not (come out from behind that black & white!) but he sure looks good to me. Add him to your rolls...

CHILE PLEASE- If it wasn't for my readers...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Be patient for patients

Patience is a virtue.

Well, as a new grad RN I need patients.

Still looking for a job. I had 3 interviews for one hospital but still waiting to hear back. The recruiter who did my interview is out on vacation (who does that?) and says that I will get a definite answer next week *le sigh*. I truly think I got the job but i'm still putting out a ton of applications as a back up plan. I'm ready to move out and start my life. I find myself getting depressed. I log onto FB and see all my friends taking trips and here and there. I feel soooo-stuck. And while things could be much worse; for instance, I could be a welfare mom stuck in the projects like so many of my other hood homegirls. I still feel like I should be doing way better. The only thing that's keeping me from swangin from a pole is my dignity.

Where shall I begin? Ok, I realize i'm 25 years old and have never really had any healthy male relationships to speak of. Including my father. He fades in and out of my life like the seasons. It's a shame really. And I don't wanna be that 26 year old heffa talm'bout "Niggas Ain't Shit." With that said, i'm learning how to let things go (which is hard seeing as tho how much i've been hurt in the past) and focus on myself. Truth is I don't know how to do that. How do you 'focus on yourself?' To me it means refraining from the male species (i.e, not talking to the XY chromosomes or getting all giddy when a peen-haver looks my way, no new dates or old flings) Since this last episode w/SJ i've noticed a very drastic change of attitude when it comes to men. I don't get excited when a man tries to approach me--just very annoyed. When I notice some man eyeing me I immediately throw shade. I'm pretty much the bitch I never was. Before having my heart shattered, I could never tell a guy "no" that asked for my number, fearing that I'd come off like high-siddity...Now i'm handing out the 'Ms. Lovely Side Eye of Death' before they even get the words out:

I seriously don't want to be bothered with ANYONE right now. I've lost most if not all interest in the male species as a whole. The heartache is not worth it too me. I'm tired of ppl saying: "One day you'll find a good man." Well I hope he finds his damn self first before he starts on that expedition to my heart. Shoot, i'm still trying to find myself :/ Plus, with this cynical outlook I have about relationships right now it's like "why even try Lovely?.."

CHILE PLEASE- My patience for being patient is running might thin. Pfft!