Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Cosby Effect


I have been M.I.A. I wish I could post more but circumstances that allow me to post as frequently as i'd like have deterred me from doing so.

........Ok, enough with the snooty ass language: I've been busy as hell yall.

Jobs
I finally started my first nursing job. I'm in orientation right now and it's long, draining, and boring. But hey...at least i'm getting paid! I'm a little nervous since it's psych but I think I will do well.

Men..(well the one that I do have)
Idk. Things have been good but things have also been rocky (perhaps even boulderous). I guess that's the cornerstone of any relationship. Problems and sh*t...attitudes and sh*t...

"Why do you breathe funny?!"..."Why do you chew like that?!" and sh*t.
(I swear I been reading too much VSB's..and sh*t lol)

It's pretty safe to say that the honeymoon period is over with me and Activist Guy. We still have our boo love moments but all of the OD cutesy hello kitty crap is out the window like Tiger Wood's dork ass image.

There are times I question if i'm really cut out for this. I love him so why does this relationship crap have to be so difficult??? One day we're doing great and the next I want to strangle him (and vice versa). That brings me to the conundrum: The Cosby Show seriously effed up my perception of what a good black relationship should be (not too mention mom spelled my name exactly like Rudy's real name aka "Keshia"). I was raised by my mom mostly and saw very few, if any positive lasting black relationships. I thought that once I found the perfect man, all i'd have to do was perform a neck snap & a few side eyes when ole Hubby got outta pawket. And all he had to do was talk funny and tell stories that no one understands. Well...not really but I thought it'd be fairly easy if we tolerated each other. Come to find out, good relationships are about as tolerable as the people involved. I mean, if all the Claire Huxtable's of relationshipville had to worry about was their Cliff's sneaking a hoagie or two; Well, life would be splendid! Go on and get that hypertension babay!!

Alas, we are not. Cliff was not perfect and neither was Claire. I mean cmon...did you really think there were black people named Cliff & Claire? methinksnot. And i'm sure the Huxtables did some freaky sh*t now and again. How else do we explain Denise being all rebellious and glowstickish?She was a bastard child! Out of wedlock, indeed. Ike and Tina is more realistic than a lawyer & OB doc (further evidence that Cliff Huxtable was a perv).

So with that said i'm going to continue to fight the good fight (like Ike or Chris Brown or Elin Nordegren) and work on this thing. I have trust issues and he has issues. We have issues. But I think as long as we work on them, we'll work it out.

CHILE PLEASE! Episodes are rehearsed, you only get one take at life. Annnnnd ACTION!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Right now.

I'm in a good place. Here's a few reason's why:

  1. I found my 1st job as a RN!!!!!!! Making double the $$$ I thought i'd be making. Schwweeeeeeet!
  2. ActivistGuy and I are still going strong. We've had a few small spats but nothing serious at all. We're always out and about doing stuff and I wonder how I ever was content with being single.
  3. I'm just generally happy all around. I remember this past summer after graduating when I didn't have a job how depressed I was. I was a walking rain cloud. A real Debby-ass-downer. Now i'm just a big ole ray of gay sunshine! (no lesbo)
  4. I started a personal challenge to grow my hair. My hair is already a decent length so I am not bald-head scallywag! But I love wearing my natural hair. Plus who wants to have itchy weave sweaty scalp during sex? No bueno! I've stopped perming, weaves, and all that extra crap. I wash and condition every week and make sure it's wrapped every night. So far it's grown a 1/2 inch longer in 6wks. YAY me!
  5. I've simultaneously stopped my bad habits: Popping bumps on my face, playing with my nipples, and picking my teeth when nervous. Ugh, I know :/
And that's about it...So umm. yea. No drama to speak of so if I failed to entertain you.

CHILE PLEASE- That's what the archives are for.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Honesty Check



  1. There are good men out there. I found one. And this is coming from a former "Ni**as Ain't Sh*t" board member.
  2. I need to start taking responsibility for fu*cking up. Even for small things. I admit I can be a spoiled brat sometimes.
  3. I do care what people think about me. Just not as much as I used too.
  4. I hate being the picture taker at events because I always end up in like 2 fuggin pics with my head cut off..WTF?! I'm gonna start leaving my Nikon home..hmph!
  5. The 5lbs I gained went straight to my hips & thighs. Though I pretend not too like it..I'm happy I finally got ass now!! Woot Woot!
  6. Activist Guy loves politics and all that gub'ment stuff. I have limited interest. When we go to these political events I feel out of place, bored, and oggled by creepy old men.
  7. Activist Guy talks waaaaay too much. That's my baby..but sometimes I wanna tell him to STFU! ..This brings me to #8
  8. I should probably talk more.
  9. Rough sex doesn't feel good. We just do it for you. Which brings me to #10
  10. After I cum. "Wrap it Up B!"
CHILE PLEASE!: I'm just sayin' how I feel.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Goat herders>>>Semmi Ass N*ggas

FTW!!!!

Sooo..from the comments about the Activist Guy announcement it's clear that you all wanna know when this happened. Well my lovlies, here goes:

Well, it actually happened about 2 weeks ago. Initially, I started going to his house to watch Trueblood because my cable was cut off. I was still feeling the aftershocks of SJ's latest saga so I was wary of AG's advances. After awhile I said 'what the hell, let me see where this goes'. Since then, we've spent the last 2 months together. This past month we've been together almost every day. I met some of his family, and last week, his mother. They all like me. My family likes him. Mom lovvvvves ♥ him after I bought him to church with me

Everytime we went out ppl would ask if we were together. After replying "No" ppl would say:

"Well you should be! You two make a cute couple!"

LOL. So after the FB status changing debacle..one day I just said "fuck-a-hater" changed my status and profile pic.

Now, i'm not gonna lie..I was shaking like a fiend w/no crack. I felt like I was missing out on dating and the single life. Felt like my playette card was being revoked. Felt like my hotness stock was going to plummet :/

Felt like I needed to stop making excuses. I got over and changed it. Besides, if this doesn't work out I can always change it back, right?? Afterward, I saw a few meriod laden status' from past flings and a few msgs from guys I didn't even know liked me. Too late!!!

Activist Guy is nerdy, obsessed w/politics, wears Doc Martin's and has a funny laugh. Some would even call him weird. But he's my weirdo! He is also thee most handsome, caring, considerate, loving man I have ever been with (not to mention his large penis *Kanye shrug*). He is dedicated to his work in the community and is a role model to inner-city youth. I'm done with the jerks, frat boys, & pretty boys. Ole "I am in desperate need of a manicure" ass n*ggas.... Ole "Please do not take my pocket change" ass n*ggas.

No more crying a ocean for a nilla who wouldn't bat an eyelash for me.

And, I don't like getting all religious on here but i'm truly blessed to have him in my life. I don't know where this will go but I am strapped in for the ride with a smile on my face.

CHILE PLEASE-You diseased rhinocerous pizzle can go choke on Soul Glo!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Attention All:

Activist Guy is my boyfriend.

CHILE PLEASE
- I even changed my facebook status :)


Monday, September 28, 2009

Meriods.


My new made up word. Do mention me on twitter if you plan to steal my sh*t..I'm just sayin....

What are the origins of my new favorite word not in the English language (yet) you might ask?

Well, over the last say uhhhh...ALL MY LIFE on this earth I have come to the conclusion that men undergo some sort of crisis or variation of the "The Curse" every month. You know Adamn was like: "Damn, Eve..you know you ain't gone finish alladat by yo'self"

From interrupting pre-pubescent double-dutch games to interrupting Taylor Swift, men have evolved from annoying in childhood to annoying-er in adulthood. Uncle Mo comes to visit those XY chromosomes when Aunt Flo kicks his ass for gettin all "I'ma let you finish BUT..."

Now i'm not talking about the typical male behavior..I.e: Leaving the toilet seat up, ignoring me during a game, perstering me for sex all thee time, farting, belching, cheating..ectera ectera and so on and so forth. Meriods are different. These Ralph Tresvantish fits come out of absolutely nowhere. Men may not endure the painful cramps, bleeding, and random cravings of hunger for lays chips and only green peanut M&M's (ok, maybe thats just me :/) but meriods exist. They are like Lady Gaga's penis. We all know its there, we just haven't seen it (and don't want too *shuddersx10*)

Case in point: AG had a Meriod last night when I told him I wasn't coming over after spending thee entire weekend with him(met some of his family..that's a whole notha post chile). My excuse?: I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my new phone (my G1 screen went funky on me), AND I was dead ass tired. He damn near had a hissy fit and told me that he see's that my phone is "more important" and that I have two choices "wait for my phone, or come and let him peen poke"(ok he didn't say the last part but you know he was thinking that sh*t!)

MERIOD alert!!!! MERIOD alert!!! Pop 2 Midol, shove a Tampax up that ass and call me in the marnin!

Ugh. I seriously had no idea where that spike in estrogen came from and I didn't like it uno bit. Later he called me and told me that he was "just joking" but the soprano in his voice indicated otherwise. I chaulked it up as his first Meriod with me and gave him a pass.

That's just one incident..Plenty more where that came from. But ladies what are you experiences with MERIODS? Men, please feel free to join in with yall meriod havin asses.

CHILE PLEASE
- You try squeezing something the size of a small watermelon out your pee-pee hole!


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

To label or not to label? & Lamar Odom lookin-bishes




First things first..

This is a long one since I haven't posted in awhile but oh well. Get over it!

I went on my big job interview out of state. It went well. I appeared and sounded professional. I definitely showed my interest for the job and asked great questions. I followed up with "thank you" letters and called. It's been a week and 2 days. I haven't heard anything back but I am expecting to hear something this week. I'm still optimisitic. **crossing my fingers**

Labels?
Me and Activist Guy still hanging out. He took me 2 a Phillie's Game last week. Even though baseball isn't my sport of choice (i'm a basketball girl) it was still a good time. Phillies had a Grand-Slam and everyone went wild but me..Ooops! I thought Grand Slam was just something they served at Denny's :/ Afterward, I felt so bad. AG was screaming like a crazy person and here I was spitting my sunflower seeds out ever so daintly. I had no idea it was that big of a deal LOL! But on to the labels...whathaveu..

He asked me if he should change his status to "In A Relationship" on FB and I told him "nah". There's a few reasons why: The main reason is IDK if I want to throw a label on what we have yet. Labels usually fuck shit up. The second reason is that he told me he didn't want another "girlfriend"..I don't particularly know what he meant by that but what I think he meant was that he wanted more than just a "girlfriend"..Third reason I don't want to make it official on these social networking sites is that people are fucking nosey. People are haters. And while i'd be more than happy to let them hate..I just don't need the extra fuckery in my life. If we make it official i'll def let you all know but for now..we are "label-less."


Other shit
While I was over at VSB's reading this post about "closure" I was reminded that I needed to post on something that happened:

Chocolate's (yall remember him right?) punk ass hopped out the woodwork and requested me on FB. Innit that special???????

For those that don't know him, Chocolate and I dated for a few mths last summer, until the motherfucker up and stopped calling me out the blue one day. No texts, no nothing!! Just straight disappeared on me without so much as a "Fuck you."

So >>FastForward to this past Friday (this is the response I left on VSB btw)

He requests me on FB (funny cause when we were dating he was adamant about not signing up for FB..whopteefuckinDOO!) and sends me a message like everything was good. “Hey lady”.. So, I approve him (cause you know I wanted him to see what a success i’ve become and look at my 37 albums of fineness) but I naturally I asked him WTF was up w/that Houdini act he pulled? His response:

“I tried to tell you..I just wasn’t ready so I stepped off”

“You ain’t tell me sh*t!”<—is what i wanted to respond but instead I told him how immature he was. Also told him it was in the past and i'm past it. On to the next one……………….whathaveu.

So yea, I felt like I needed closure but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. He never apologized..(EVER)..I don't think i'll ever be satisfied w/that bitchass explanation so I just let it go.

CHILE PLEASE-

I'm more satisfied with knowing:
Me = Halle Berry
His baby moms = Lamar Odom with Remi Hair

Monday, September 7, 2009

Wading Thru



I been job searching and i'm out of that depression I was in. I'm also happy to say that i've had a few interviews. One at a psych hospital which i'm still waiting to hear back from and a nursing home. BUUuuuuut the biggest of the interviews is this Friday at one of the best hospitals in the U.S. I will refrain from naming said hospital (if you follow me on twitter than u already know) but if and when I get the job i'll make the annoucement. If I get the job at said hospital I will have to relocate out of state and with that comes a new career, life, friends, apartment, and car. But until i'm sure i'm gonna try and keep mum about it. To be continued...

Yea so..
Me and Activist Guy have gotten closer in these last few weeks. He's been rather patient with me for the past..damn..it's almost been a year since he started pursuing me. But yea, I went over his house to watch Trueblood (best f*ckin show on TV btw) a couple weeks ago and since then we've gotten closer. I won't say how close but close enough. This is all new to me. I've dealt with assholes for so long that idk how to interpret his actions. Is it the trial period? Or is he really sincere? Methinks its a bit of both. Here's a list of the sweet things he's done so far:

1. He gives me massages when I don't even ask. Even my feet lol
2. Kisses me on the forehead in the morning :)
3. Takes me to places and shows me new things..art galleries, restaurants I wouldn't normally eat at..
4. He even cooked breakfast for me a few times
But best of all...
5. He listens.

Listens to me bitch and complain about my mundane ass life when I think his is 80303430493049x more interesting. He's into ME. I feel like it was always the other way around with my love life. I was always stuck on some loser *coughSJcough* that wouldn't give me the time of day. Now I have someone willing to take on the challenge of trying to love me. And sometimes I am a very hard "me" to love.

I want to say this is the start of something good but at the same time I am cautious to put myself outthere so soon. Vulnerability and stupidity go hand in hand. I've been here before (if only for a short while *coughChocolatecough* but AG feels like he is making a sincere effort. Genuine in his words and following through with his actions. I, on the other hand,feel like something is holding me back but I can't express it in my own words so here's an analogy that kinda explains how I feel:

Imagine walking through a scorching desert with the sun beating down on your head for 3 days. You spot a body of water in the distance and dash through the hot sands to cool off. After what seems like an eternity you reach the cold blue waves of reprieve. You go to jump in until you realize--You can't swim.

CHILE PLEASE- Wading gets old after awhile. Guess it's time I took swimming lessons.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Short and Sweet


Job Search-
Didn't get the job I had 3 fuckin interviews for! They went for someone more experienced. Yea, more experienced in eating open-faced mayo sandwiches and wearing birkenstocks. Fuck them. Still putting out apps. Thinking about moving out of state.

SexyJamaican- Moved in with his lazy-eyed g/f. He still doesn't think I know about this whole fuckery fest. Trying to forgive him (for my sanity) and move on.

Activist Guy- He is a mini Barack Obama with glasses. Always doing this and that for the community. He's is over vigilant at times and that annoys me. I miss him.

Other mens- Even though I miss AG. Still not interested in the peen havers. Still annoyed when I feel one undressing me with his eyes. Which brings me to my next subject...

Sex- *cues Jill Scott-Celibacy Blues*

Jalopy- In and out of the shop for 3 weeks. Just got it back today. Running fine. Can't wait to buy a new car.

Fam- Mom started ushering in church. I am proud of her. Just 6 years ago she was smoking and drankin and carryin' on like the heathen I am now. Go mom!

Friends- Not in the mood to chum it up. Was supposed to attend BBQ w/my girl. I forgot all about it until she called and left an irritated cunty ass message. This girl just does not know what i'm going thru right now. She'll get over it.

God- I been talking to him a lot lately. Faaaar from a saint, but I'm trying to become more spiritual than i've been these past several years. Trying to stop cursing (out loud anyway lol)

CHILE PLEASE- just ...chile please at everything right now!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Showing ♥ to my readers!

Ok, so i'm transitioning back into the blog world. I really love my readers and all the comments & advice you leave me. Your words and encouragement have gotten me through many a'drama. Whether it's one sentence or a paragraph, I appreciate all of you!

With that said i'm going to try my best and highlight a blogger a week. So don't fret if I don't get to you one week, i'm gonna try to get to everyone who leaves comments on the regular (Complex, Mimi, IntrospectiveGoddess, HoustonGirl, Insatiable..the list goes on :) Here goes. First up...


[h9b.JPG]

This man must read my mind because his comments are always on point. Giving me a dose of reality like it was medicine yall. Plus I love the male perspective when it comes to their fellow peen-havers. I can't tell if he's fine or not (come out from behind that black & white!) but he sure looks good to me. Add him to your rolls...

CHILE PLEASE- If it wasn't for my readers...







Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Be patient for patients

Patience is a virtue.

Well, as a new grad RN I need patients.

Still looking for a job. I had 3 interviews for one hospital but still waiting to hear back. The recruiter who did my interview is out on vacation (who does that?) and says that I will get a definite answer next week *le sigh*. I truly think I got the job but i'm still putting out a ton of applications as a back up plan. I'm ready to move out and start my life. I find myself getting depressed. I log onto FB and see all my friends taking trips and here and there. I feel soooo-stuck. And while things could be much worse; for instance, I could be a welfare mom stuck in the projects like so many of my other hood homegirls. I still feel like I should be doing way better. The only thing that's keeping me from swangin from a pole is my dignity.

Mens..
Where shall I begin? Ok, I realize i'm 25 years old and have never really had any healthy male relationships to speak of. Including my father. He fades in and out of my life like the seasons. It's a shame really. And I don't wanna be that 26 year old heffa talm'bout "Niggas Ain't Shit." With that said, i'm learning how to let things go (which is hard seeing as tho how much i've been hurt in the past) and focus on myself. Truth is I don't know how to do that. How do you 'focus on yourself?' To me it means refraining from the male species (i.e, not talking to the XY chromosomes or getting all giddy when a peen-haver looks my way, no new dates or old flings) Since this last episode w/SJ i've noticed a very drastic change of attitude when it comes to men. I don't get excited when a man tries to approach me--just very annoyed. When I notice some man eyeing me I immediately throw shade. I'm pretty much the bitch I never was. Before having my heart shattered, I could never tell a guy "no" that asked for my number, fearing that I'd come off like high-siddity...Now i'm handing out the 'Ms. Lovely Side Eye of Death' before they even get the words out:



I seriously don't want to be bothered with ANYONE right now. I've lost most if not all interest in the male species as a whole. The heartache is not worth it too me. I'm tired of ppl saying: "One day you'll find a good man." Well I hope he finds his damn self first before he starts on that expedition to my heart. Shoot, i'm still trying to find myself :/ Plus, with this cynical outlook I have about relationships right now it's like "why even try Lovely?.."

CHILE PLEASE- My patience for being patient is running might thin. Pfft!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Déjà vu



So, here's the post you've probably been waiting for. Long but I had a lot too say.

SexyJamaican has a girlfriend--again.

After that Halloween party where we reunited again we were "cool"

>>FF 6 months

I graduated. He graduated and came home. Didn't really know where things were going but it was fun to have him around. After all the fuckery between us we still tolerated eachother and were pretty good friends. We were hangin out..chillin..having sex here and there....(everywhere). I started wondering when things would switch up. I got the answer last month. I notice he's acting funny on me. I start seeing some chick pop up on his FB, his status' are suspect, and I put the pieces together. So instead of being quiet about it like last time, I speak up and ask him if he's seeing/dating/fucking anybody else. The answer to all three--NO.(with a straight face yall). He say's that he's not ready for a relationship..he's focused on his career..blah blah bullshit..and the reason he pulled away is that he saw me falling for him again. I half-heartedly believe this. My Woman's Intuition is telling me theres more to this story, and that bitch NEVER lies. A couple weeks later he gets a new job and has to relocate out of state. So like the lil investigator I am..I do some searching and find out the girl leaving messages on his FB has her heart set on relocating with him (along with some other tidbits that would make an unstable woman slash a tire or two) The man would be a pretty good liar if he only kept his shit off the internet (stupid). I confront him again (not with all the facts..just general shit). Again-he lies to me. Instead of breaking out the evidence on his ass, I pretend to believe him. Made his ass dance like Bojangles with all the lies and stories he conconcted to cover his ass.

I did this up until the day before he left. He noticed when I stopped looking him in the eye. I guess his guilty conscience kicked him in the ass and he tried to show me love he should've been showing: smiled at me more, tried to make me laugh, hug me, forehead kiss me *sigh*. Shit, i'll admit it..We even had goodbye sex (protected). I guess I just wanted to validate too myself how much of a liar he was (and get some peen in the process.Don't judge me!). The day he finally left I got sick of hurting and decided to end it. I texted him and told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore and that he knew why.

My ass was heartbroken again..chest all heavy, felt like I couldn't breathe, sleep, didn't eat, lost weight, cried, walked around like a fucking zombie for a few weeks. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

In a way, I feel like this is all my fault. I felt stupid for knowing what the man was capable of and still allowing myself to fall into his trap. How's that saying go?: "Fool me once shame on you..fool me twice....(you know the rest)" But you know what? That's life. Most importantly, it's MY life. I lived and learned. No one can tell you shit when you're in a situation like that; not even yourself. After it happened, I didn't tell my friends because I felt like they would say.."Oh well, you shoulda known blah blah blah" and that's the last thing I wanted to hear! I haven't talked to him in a couple weeks and that's how I want to keep it. Don't know if ole girl moved with him and don't care. He wants a stupid girl and she doesn't seem like the sharpest butterknife in the drawer. He's always gonna be a playin ass player. Just not with me. Anymore.


CHILE PLEASE- Speak on it.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Liar.


There is nothing I detest more in this world than a stone cold liar. Give me 1000 yeast infections and it wouldn't irritate me more than being lied to. To my fucking face.

If you're gonna lie be a good one and keep your shit off the internet. It's 2009 and anyone can find out anything. Sick of duplictous ass mofos who don't realize the hole they've dug has already caved in on their ass.

10 Reasons you should just tell the TRUTH--Liar!

1. I'm gonna find out anyway
2. It's stupid.
3. You make yourself look stupid
4. I'm gonna find out anyway dumbass
5. I'm gonna find out anyway stupid dumbass
6. I'm gonna find out anyway jerkface
7. I'm gonna find out anyway punk ass
8. I'm gonna find out anyway idiot
9. I'm gonna find out anyway skunt bucket
10. I'm gonna find out anyway you LIAR!

So g'head. Do what you do, but if you can't keep it 100 w/folk then you probably shouldn't be doing stupid shit that you have to lie about in the first dayum place.

I'm Sick of this boy/girl shit. Men lie. Women lie to themselves. The shit is stupid. At the moment, I can sincerely say that I do NOT believe in romantic love. Relationships are built on a bed of lies covered with soft satin sheets.


CHILE PLEASE!-
I'd rather sleep on the cold hard floor.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ms. Lovely is a Registered Nurse!!

It is official. Yes, Ms. Lovely is alive and well. I took a hiatus from blogging because I was studying for my NCLEX (and going through some major fuckery which I will explain later). I took my test Thursday..I was the last one to get registered and the 1st to leave with 75Q. If any of my readers are nurses they know that 75 can be a good or bad thing. Couldn't sleep last night thinking about my results. I logged on today and paid the 8 bucks for the 48hr results and there it was "Pass." A nurse..RN, BSN motheruffas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so hype right now. Only if you knew what I have been going through for the last 2 weeks (again, will explain next post..)

I feel like nothing can hold me back now! By September I should have a new car, apt, and sense of accomplishment I have never felt before. I am through with the bullshit ass men, liars, cheaters, fake ass friends, and skank bishes who try to bring me down with their words and actions. From now on it's all about ME, ME, ME, ME,ME...forget about YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU...lol..

Today will be a good day. I am going out with one of my classmates and then to a friend's BBQ to celebrate proper with major fuckery to ensue!

CHILE PLEASE!- “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass"--M. Angelou **KICKING ASS!**

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Low scores: Sex & Tests


So I finally got the authorization to take my NCLEX exam next month! WooHoo! I'm about to be a registered nurse yall! I took a review course but I still keep getting 50's & 60's on the practice tests (don't look at me like that..these questions are HARD!) so I got a lot of studying to do before then :( The job search hasn't showed me any good outcomes yet, but i'll keep trying. Right now Jersey sucks when it comes to hiring new nurses(stupid economy). I'm thinking about relocating to the DMV area..i'll keep you updated and let you know..

Moving onnnnnnnn...

Sex. I haven't talked about it in awhile.

I need it.
I crave it.
I want it.
I love it.

Despite all my carnal desires...I also love to be...

Held.
Caressed.
Kissed
Stroked--slowly.

You know, "made love to"

I've realized that I haven't felt that way in a loooong time (since my crazy ex BlackMon). Yea, the occasional "break-my-back" session is necessary, but not all the time. Things starts off slow and you can't wait for whats about to go down. Next thing you know he's bunny uffing you...Playing tetherball with your fallopian tubes and whatnot! *sigh* And yes, the dillznick is good sir, but slow the EFF down! and stop stroking like it's going out of style. It's not appealing, nor very pleasing to me in the end. He started at at a solid 90% but he's slowly fallin off..So yea, maybe he needs a little practice and maybe I need to be more vocal about what's gonna be on the test because these scores are becoming unacceptable.

I know what you're thinking: "Well, say something to him!"...I have :/....during. So yea, he's so far gone like Drake by then and all attempts to change the pace are futile. Blah.

Anybody else have this problem?

CHILE PLEASE-- Then I ask myself: Don't you have to be in love...to make love?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Graduation!!!!!!!!!!!


I did it!!!!!! On May 21, 2009 I became a college graduate with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing :) All the studying and stress..crying and careplans...None of that deterred my determination to succeed. The ceremony was a long one but it was worth it. When my name was called my family was loud like black ppl are LOL

And I usually cry at things like this but I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I didn't shed a tear. All that's left for me to do is pass my NCLEX this June and start working. But rest assure, this is not the end. I'm going back for my Masters & Nurse Practitioner. Chile, i'm tryna retire early...

2 days before graduation was the traditional Nurse Pinning Ceremony :)
Had so much fun..and my crazy aunts started a Soul Train Line..LOL!
Then my mom threw me a surprise graduation party
Good Times!!!!


Ok, so after all the festivities I had to move back home and I must say it's been a struggle because space is so limited. All I want is to just start making money and live on my own. Guess it's a case of post-graduate blues. Yesterday I lied in bed all day and cried damn near half of it. I know it's only a matter of time before things start looking up so i'm gonna try and *WOOSAH* and pray for patience.

I have so much more to tell yall but I know how annoying a long post is..I'ma cut it short here and update again tomorrow..

CHILE PLEASE-It's over..so now what?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Black Women: A few observations:

I know you all probably get tired of hearing me talk about my fuckery so here's a few questions and suggestions about black women. If you're mad..I'm probably talking about YOU..


1. Why do women grip their boyfriends tighter and shoot daggers when an attractive(or unattractive) young lady walks past? Seriously though..he's the one looking! How about you just gouge his eyes out sweety? I'm certain that will stop him from staring..Pfft!

2. Why are black women so catty to other black female co-workers? For example: When I used to work at Victoria's Secret my supervisor (black woman) told me I could go on break "whenever". Well, when I decided to go on break she say's "I never told you that"..I coulda choked the bitch. Another incident is when I started working at the bank. She was the only black woman working there before me. I swear it took her a month to speak to me..ugh.



3. Why are black women always yelling/spanking at their kids in public? It's so tacky and necessary. If the kid acts up just whisper a threat in their ear like my mom used to do.."Wait till we get to the car..Ima whoop yo A$$!" LOL. No need to be all loud and ig'nant up in Walmart. Trifling..I swear..


4. "Babymommas"--Stop thinking your baby's father wants to be with you because he slid you the peen with a side of diapers. One of the things my males cousins(with 7 kids might I add LOL) told me is that a nilla will always have the option to EFF the mother of his child--because she will LET him. It doesn't mean he wants to be with you. One of the main reasons I refuse to be a "baby momma."

5. Addendum to #4--Stop harassing the next chick. There are some good guys who don't cheat with the "baby mommas"(gawd I hate that phrase) and genuinely want to start a new relationship. As the next chick, we understand that you have a child with the man...but seriously...Stop with the fuckery.



6. Stop wearing slippers and/or pajama pants out in public. It's tacky. It's one thing to run to the mailbox..But to the mall?? P.S-Scarves/net caps in public make you look like a sewer rat as well.


7. Any hair color that does not occur in nature should not be upon the crown of your head over the age of 21 or unless it's Halloween. Thee end.


CHILE PLEASE- There's plenty more where that came from..Black men, you're next...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Drought

I haven't done sexytimes in saaaay...a minute (since the last time I saw SJ). And to top it off I haven't been doing anything about it. nothing. I've been purposely depriving myself. Wanna see how long I can go without shhhhh..(touching myself) I can't remember the last time i've gone more than a week. I guess you can call it a temporary celibacy challenge..Your girl is far from a nympho but I do need it. It calms me down & helps me sleep at night..Would like to have it...Whenever, wherever...shew! Look at me gettin all worked up..*sigh*


CHILE PLEASE
-Jill ain't neva lied..

"This here celibacy thing..."

Celibacy Blues - Jill Scott



...Got me ready to drink some "Crown Royal on iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice"



Crown Royal - Jill Scott

Thursday, May 7, 2009

College OVA! and IDK?!?

http://psd.schoolwires.com/phs/lib/phs/graduation-1.jpg

Guess who's BIZAACK?!! I've seriously missed the blog world! I apologize about the lack of posting. My life has been so bipolar lately so I figured when everything dies down I can give you all a decent update. With that said, things are still rough and tumble but I have a minute to type so here goes.....

Ok, I started writing that^^^^ yesterday but had to run out. See what i'm talm'bout!..rough and tumble

Here goes..again:

I'm finished COLLEGE!
So i've officially completed my undergraduate studies as a nursing major!!! I will be a Bachelor's degree prepared Registered Nurse!!!! No more exams, no more nursing clinicals in stupid white scrubs, no more bitch Professors, no more snooty ppl who think they know err'dayum thang. NO MORE! Now all that's left for me to complete is my nursing boards(NCLEX) and find a J-O-B. I've spent all my money (and mom's)registering for my applications and review course which translates into me being BROKE. I've updated my resume and networked with a few ppl that can help me get in where I fit in so i'm not too stressed on the job search. Otherwise things couldn't be better. I graduate May21st..Congrats the the c/o 2009!!! Stay tuned..Graduation pics will be posted!

http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-16917288.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B4015BD96-6122-4C52-B9E1-599C82FBFCAF%7D
IDK?!?!
Mens!
ActivistGuy. Okay. So we're still talking/hanging out, whatever you wanna call it. This is still a trial period so I guess both of us have been on our best behavior. Nothing physical or anything like that. Although, he said he has gotten more comfortable around me; as have I. We hang out a lot on campus and I'm starting to notice that ppl think we're a couple. He introduces me to a lot of ppl he knows (and he knows a LOT of ppl)..So what i'm getting at is: I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand, I don't mind. On the other hand, i'm still apprehensive about a relationship (justifiably so in my mind after all i've been through). And the last thing I want to do is waste the man's time. I can sense that he's getting a little impatient with me and would rather things to move faster. Soooo, idk. At this point i'm not saying "Yes" or "No"..the truth is--I just don't know....

SexyJamaican. Okay (I say "ok" alot in real life lol)..So he's just about ready to come home after graduating and completing his internship. He should be home next week to be exact. We've kept in touch and he's came up to visit me a couple times between blog updates. I've tried to keep this thing as platonic as possible but its hard when he's standing in front of me. We've gotten closer since we started talking again and I don't see myself shutting him out of my life anytime soon. I'm actually looking forward to him coming home. I miss him (i miss him i really wanna kiss him but I can't 678triple98212!!)..lol..damn Soulja Boy! *shakes fist* But seriously..I don't know what to do. I'm torn. On one hand, I might...possibly...slightly 'L-word him?' On the other hand, I don't think he feels the same way. And if he does, he's not saying it. (Aside: He called me 2am with Lenny Williams-'Cause I Love You playing in the background lmao). Now, maybe i'm reading too far into this and it was bad timing, but it's a weird feeling I have (or maybe stupidity) At this point: I'm leaving it at a tentative "No"..the truth is--I just don't know...

CHILE PLEASE- Since I don't know..I should probably find out.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Uncensored

This private shit ain't gone work.

CHILE PLEASE
- If you don't like it. Don't read it!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

And the door is locked.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/stoke/content/images/2007/05/24/private_470x315.jpg

Ok, so my laptop is dead :( Monday I turned her on and my monitor was BLACK! I was so devastated man. My warranty was up but since my laptop was under recall it was under an extended warranty. I just sent her off to HP to get fixed but I know when I get her back everything will be GONE. I couldn't back shit up because i couldn't even see anything..ugh! This is the 2nd time this happened. Going ca-raaazeee without my BFF aka the innanet. I'm at my mom's house posting now but when I get her back let the post extravaganza begin! And no more crashes for me..as soon as I get some cash i'm going Mac. Fuck HP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Woosah*
.. I have been so busy with school that I haven't had time to really post...But yes, I am now private. Tell your friends, tell your lovers, tell your homies, or anyone else u know reads regularly to email me if they wanna keep up. The reason I went private is because i'm tired of nosey ppl reading my shit and taking it too heart (you know who you are).. I like to speak my mind and I really hate this private shit. Won't go into details about what happened but people need a dose of "Bitchassness Be Gone" If you don't like what I write, please feel free to click the little red box in you upper right hand corner!

So what's been going on..
School is almost a wrap and graduation is right around the corner! I do 12 hour nursing clinicals at a local teaching hospital. Well, the telemetry floor (cardiac for yall non medical folk) my instructor had me on was absolutely DREADFUL! Just pure pandemonium. Since i'm a senior I have to take on a full load of pts (5-6) but the floor was just fuckery with other nursing students stealing my pts, doctors, techs, bells going off, old ppl shitting themselves..ugh! I swear every call bell I answered resulted in me cleaning up some poop or throw-up :( I couldn't take it anymore so my instructor moved me to brand new ortho floor .I finally got a full load of patients and my the nurse I followed was this funny white guy. When he went to lunch one of my patients almost coded and I had to react like a real nurse. I saved a life yall lol. The only thing standing in my way of graduation is this stupid 16 pg leadership paper I have to do. The 6pg part is due Monday so i'm gonna finish it up this weekend. My procrastinatin' ass.

Next up..Mens!
Ok, so i've kinda falling back from Activist Guy. Not fully intentional but i've been busy and combined with his schedule..we barely see each other. I saw him yesterday after my clinical but I was butt ass tired to entertain and went to sleep.


That other guy I always talk about..Yea him. He's been back and forth from DC. Last week he came up for a hot second but we didn't kick it. After 2 years of knowing what he's capable of my woman's intuition is telling me that something else is going on with him chick wise. He's the type that craves female attention and can't be alone. First young dumb thing with a wet pussy is getting got around his ass. He'll switch up his whole steez just to impress some broad and once he tires of the vaag, she's tossed to the garbage like the condom he used. And it seems like every time I try to fall back from him he comes around all concerned. I think he does this out of guilt more than concern. I'm smart but I dumb it down too make him think he's winning. In reality, I already passed him twice...i'm just walking slow with my eyes closed.

BigB hopped out the woodwork and hit me up on myspace. I'm not really interested in him anymore but I can't front, I miss his company and the way we used to bug out. Kinda hard to believe with my SJ adventures but once i'm done with a man sexually it's over for me. No feelings..no nothing. I don't go backwards peen wise.

CHILE PLEASE--Gonna start on my paper and have a drink. Pinky finger UP!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Private.



So you probably logged on today only to get that stupid message about my blog not existing. And I hate to just up and shut everyone out so I opened it again. If you already sent me your email from the 1st threat--check your email for your invite. If you don't have an invite please drop your email in the comment section.

CHILE PLEASE-- I really don't wanna do this...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hungry Kitteh & Roomate Druh-amma!

Hungry kitteh wants food.
Theres a homeless cat in my mom's neighborhood thats been slinking underneath cars for about a year now. Well last week when I went to visit, he/she (it's a "she" too me) came directly up to me "meowing." That's unusual cause she's a scaredy cat (haha) that always runs away. Anywho I gave her some fishsticks that night. A few days later I came to visit and she came up meowing--again! Then the other day I heard her meowing outside--AGAIN!!! When I looked out the window she was curled up underneathe my car..I swear I wanna adopt her so bad :( I gave her food again today and she slinked off with the kitteh-itis. Later I came back and she was sitting on my step--waiting..creepily. I walked away and this lil heffa did a catch stretch and commenced to following me for a block! I swear it was so creepy..Then out the blue another orange kitteh hopped out the woodwork and joined in the pursuit.
The next door neighbors feed hungry kitteh too..

Hungry kitteh following me...

She's still following me!

Perhaps I should stop feeding her :( OR...maybe hungry kitteh is a spirit or something..idk.. Strange as it may sound I look forward to seeing her. She's been more reliable these past couple weeks than my best friends. With that said: What shall I name her greedy ass?


Roomate beef.
So Nigerian Girl has been the worst roomate EVER for the last couple weeks. One night she had her TV blastin alllllllll dayum night! She claims she didn't hear the knocks at the door and slept thru the entire thing. Smiley left her a note asking her to be concscientious of the noise level because that shit was just ree-dam-dick-culous! Ugh. And she leaves her radio on even when she's not here! ugh. Then last weekend she brought a guest who decided she was gonna bring her entire wardrobe and a damn supermarket too! The living room was a mess! Then she cooked & left the kitchen looking like hurricane Katrina made another appearance. Just a few days prior I thoroughly cleaned the kitchen (even mopped..ugh) so I refused to clean her mess. And it's not my thing to leave stupid little post-its but I left one asking everyone to use lids when she left the microwave a mess! She walked into the kitchen just as I was about to stick it to the microwave so I told her myself(in a nice way)..I hate tension..but the shit hit the fan when she left Cheerios on the floor for 3 days and Smiley wrote another post-it...We all walked into the kitchen at the same time and NG ended up cutting Smiley off and stormed off to her room! Druh-aamaaaaaa. She ended up cleaning her mess..and things have cooled down since. I really can't stand living with a bunch of females but we only have a few mths left and I think we can make it. *sigh*

Why i'm lacking motivation.
4 Projects due. Started? None. Idk but Seniorits has been hella virulent this semester. Ion wanna do shit! I'm gonna take my spring break and work on the projects but lawd gimme the strangth! I know our President is black so the last thing I should do is be complaining but i'm saying...I just wanna graduate!!!

CHILE PLEASE--Spring Break is here...but no time to celebrate..I got work to do :/ FML.

Love Above Evil

Activist Guy leaves for the Motherland.
He left for his South Africa trip yesterday. Matter of fact he just called me about 20mins ago from Cape Town letting me know he got there safe. Prior to leaving he held a fundraiser/going away party. He raffled off an iPod touch that he won at a poetry show the week prior.

Aside: Well really...i'd won it cause I had the winning ticket that he'd bought for me. But whatev..he needed the money and I already have an iPod so it was only right..

Ppl also were to bring school supplies for children in Africa. A nice amount of ppl came out. I helped him out at the table and counted the money...whathaveu. A friend of his that also paints helped him raise money by auctioning off some of his art work. And wouldntyaknow that I won that raffle too :)..I picked out this glorious painting entitled "Love Above Evil."


I spent some time with him Monday and we just talked, chilled..etc. Twas nice but I find myself putting that wall up. He asked me if I was scarred from previous relationships..Yes, yes I am.. I so know that he wants to take it too the next level but something inside of me is saying to take it sloooow. I haven't even kissed him yet. Is that bad? He's done so many thoughtful things for me in the last few weeks: Bought me Aleve when my period came on, eco friendly cleaner when I told him my asthma started after cleaning with bleach..Just little things that make me smile yall. With that said; I can't differentiate his benevolence from the ill-intentioned men i've dealt with. He asked me if there is anything he could do to heal the scars. No, I have to do it on my own.. I told him that I was "dating" and he agreed that he shouldn't put all his eggs in one basket. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But he's persistent as hell with his work in the community so what in the world would make me think that he'd give up on perusing something that he wants--me. At one point he asked me where i'd like to go for my honeymoon. I was dead ass when I told him Dubai. He laughed at me like I was crazy but later sent me a goodnight text.."dream of dubai." Heavaaaay ..Heavaaaay!!!


SexyJamaican saga continues..

So I came out and told him I had a friend when I accidentally sent him a text msg meant for Activist Guy. This was the same night a couple weeks ago that he payed Victoria a visit. That night he also saw the roses Activist Guy got me for the dance. I think he was hurt. And in a way, I wanted him to be after all he'd done to me. Lately he's been updating his FB status' in French about some girl he met and how she's so "real" blah blah blah. This is a ploy for attention. He thrives off it but i'm tired of my heart sinking everytime I see his status' in my mini-feed. I got really annoyed one night and asked if he has a g/f. He denied. She's just someone he "works with" that's helping him brush up on his French. Yea...surrrrre. Then he tries to flip the situation and starts asking me 21?'s about my "b/f" (referring to Activist Guy). I told him I didn't have a b/f. We went back and forth for awhile and he admitted that he needs to see me...that it feels like heroin withdraw. It didn't dawn on me then, but last night, I was watching the Sex & The City ep. (shout out to KB) where Carrie is creeping in & out of seedy motels with a married Big. At one point Big sarcastically brings up Carrie's "b/f" after a bang out session & then it hits me: SJ is my Big. Big is jealous. Carrie is jealous. We're making eachother jealous.

CHILE PLEASE--Closet in Dubai or NY?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Crappy.


If I don't update for awhile I feel like ppl forget about this crappy lil blog. So the story is i've been busy(as usual). But I will give a full update of the goings on tomorrow my lovlies.

Activist Guy
leaves for the Motherland.
SexyJamaican saga continues..
Hungry kitteh wants food.
Why i'm lacking motivation.
Nursing school? I hate it.
Roomate beef chop suey.

CHILE PLEASE--Give me the strangth!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I feel....

Lovely today.

CHILE PLEASE
- Don't ask why. I just do.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Dear Pussy,

I'm sorry for opening up my womb
I'm sorry for giving you away too soon
Pussy please forgive me for taking you for granted
I never meant for that seed to be planted
Physically
I know it hurt you when he came in
I know you bled when he left again
I'm sorry...
Pussy please forgive me for all the wrong i've done
For all the times you were neglected
And for every night you were disrespected
For the times I made you sick
For that time I hurt you with an oversized dick
I'm so sorry...
Pussy, me and you are so freakin tight
I love the long talks we have at night
I need you to be the niche for my future legacy
So tell me pussy.....
Do you forgive me?

CHILE PLEASE--That just came out of my fingertips..But I think we all need to write one of those. Don't you agree?

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Introducing: "Victoria"

Sorry this took so long but i've been uber busy, stressed, vexed, stalked and sexed. Grab the popcorn. Read on....

Disclaimer: It's a lengthy one..sorry but I had a lot to get off my 36B's

Activist Guy

So he bought me flowers. This was the first time i'd EVER gotten flowers from anybody. Well wait--there was that one time when this boy bought me funeral home flowers so that doesn't count lol. Anywho, that was sweet in itself and he looked sharp yall! Like he shoulda been selling bean pies on the corner of a MLK boulevard LOL. I felt bad because I made him wait an hour while I got dressed but it was worth it. The night started off great until the JelloGate incident that occurred when someone (not saying it was me) snuck jello shots into the ball room. Now, in this person's tipsy delight (did you say it was me?!..it wasn't!) they forgot to throw away the cups ..Unfortunately, the kitchen staff discovered them and tried to throw out our entire table. Sooo, Activist Guy, having the gift of gab, got everything straightened out and we ended up staying. Other than that debauchery we had a great time and I ended up dancing the night away (as always lol). GOOD TIMES. I would post pics but someone knows I have a blog..(one of the reasons i'm still thinkin of going private*sigh* Sorry yall :(

Mom's Hospital ordeal
So Mom hurt her leg at work lifting a patient last week. That weekend she said he legs were feeling tingly so I basically forced her to go to the hospital (mommy's always take care of everyone else but themselves). We went to the ER around 4 and didn't leave til 9..ugh! I really really hate E.R.'s. I'll be an RN this summer and I hope I never become so inhuman and robotic as these bags of flesh that worked in the E.R. This one crunchy hair nurse stuck my mom to draw blood several times and tried to insinuate that it didn't hurt! I almost stabbed her ass in the neck for that. Then it took the bitch 2 hours to hang fluids (mom was dehydrated) because she failed to check the orders. And it wasn't until I told her that she needed to check them! Nonetheless, mom is home and getting better with the help of physical therapy.

The car-less blues
It was something with the oil pan or something. 300 effing dollars that I don't have! I pay for it and go to moms house. Literally....Literally right after I pull up my mom's car breaks down!!! We got it towed to the shop and now I have to give her my car for work. This sucks :(

Stalker Dude
So this dude I barely know (hi and bye type shit) decided it would be a good idea to knock on my room door. Effin roomate let him in and this nigga had the audacity to knock on my door. Lookin all sweaty and veiny like he'd just come from the gym talkin bout "I smelled something cookin..Is it you". Cornball extraordinaire if you don't.... I was too scared cuss his ass out (you never know how crazy ppl are) so I gave his ass the gas face and told him to K.I.M. Why lawd why?!

SexyJamaican
So yea, he came up last Saturday to see me. I had stopped calling/texting him altogether recently until his bro and my good friend Teddy prompted me too contact him cause SJ kept "Why'in?" him about me. "Why she ain't callin me?".."Why she ain't textin me?" "Why?!" Hmm..looked like my self-induced Fade-Away worked (success!) So I call him and he goes on about how much he misses me and how i'm the only girl he knows that has sense. Giving me all the praise like my name was Yahweh yall. Ok, that was nice to hear and I sensed a lil sincerity too it, but I still take it with a 1/2 grain of salt. He said he lost all his contacts and couldn't call me but Chile Please! this is 2009..Truth is if he really wanted to talk to me that bad he could've facebook'd me. His excuse is that he isn't on the innanet like that (but you update your status like err'day..I'm just sayin..)

BUT with all that said: I can't front..I miss him. Crazy. And so did Victoria (poom poom nickname..I say it with an Eartha Kitt voice..Victooorrriia). He walked up behind me and kissed me on my neck..."He smells so good" Hugged me-tight "He feels so good"..tighter..*Splash!* We talked. chilled. dranked. He put his playlist on and turned his attn to Victoria.
Then we..
Sexed.
and sexed.
and sexed.
and ate breakfis.
Victoria thanked me profusely.
He put it on me. I put it on him. Put some more on him until he didn't have anything left (literally). This was that type of sex that'll have you in a daze everytime you think about it...................................................................................................................................................................................................................


Sorry..I was in a daze......

Ok. Back to reality. I felt some type of way because Activist Guy just came into my life so in a weird way I feel like i'm cheating..myself that is. I mean, here's this nice guy that wants to court me and then there's SJ--fine ass SJ; who i've always wanted to be with. SJ--who always falls short of telling me how he really feels. SJ; who ran off and damn near got married. The one who I just cannot let go no matter how hard I try. Victoria really needs to shut the hell up and stop telling secrets so I can think for once *sigh*

CHILE PLEASE--And that was just one week.