Thursday, October 30, 2008


I just got done working out. Tryna get the cholesterol down. I thought I was going to hate being all health conscious and shit but it's not that bad. Working out is addictive as hell!

Anywho, I had an ok week. The clinical rotation is getting better since i've learned how everything works. My careplans are good and I think i'm getting the idea. I'ma be a nurse yall. I can't even believe how far i've come...

Ok, so a friend is throwing a masquerade party for Halloween and guess who might be there?....................

*jeaopardy music*


Her b/f is his friend yadda yadda--mutual friend fuckery. I really don't wanna get all hyped up because I honestly don't think he'll be there but i'm still going. I'm tired of not going to events he might possibly-maybeeee be in the building. Just sick of it. I'm gonna go and have a good damn time. Besides, i'm on the damn flyer for the party. Anywho, I wanted to dress up as a cop so when "Mrs. Officer" came on I could shake my skinny ass, but since I don't have the $$$ I just might do an all black ensemble and red lipstick a la Vampire. I love that new show True Blood! The acting is blah, black girl has a fucked up accent, and the white girl's name is Sookie--da fuck? Don't even get me started gay ass Lafayette LOL. My friends wanna do ball gowns and all that elegant shit but "bleh." I haven't dressed up since I was like 13. My mom bought this old lady costume to school. It was so effing em-burr-isin!!!

OH yea..I found out Chocolates mom works at the hospital I do my rotations. How awkward. I had my labcoat on and she's looking at me like "WTF is this young girl doing here?" At first she didn't recognize me and asked if I needed help..After I realized who she was I said: "Heyyy, aren't you Chocolate's mom?" After a confused look I said: "Yea, i'm the girl your boyfriend fucked over. Great job on raising such a punk ass son!:)" Well, I didn't say thaaaat, but I wanted too.. She said it was nice seeing me but I have a feeling she was just being nice. Oh well, I hope she went home and told his ass how stupid he was for letting go of such a successful young lady. Hmmph!

I will let you guys know how the weekend went as soon as I get a chance. Sorry bout the lack of updates but I gotta do what I gotta do sonnnnnn...

- I'm not a trick so I definitely won't be treatin'..

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Vicious Cycle + The Lone Black Girl

I have come to the conclusion that peen would do my body good. Ugh. Every week is something different. One week I'm "numb", the next I wanna "show up in lingerie". Da eff is wrong with me?! I thinks its a combination of lonliness, stress, and just wanting to feel a warm body next to mine..*sigh* Maybe it has something to do with my period being almost a week late And don't go *gasping* because I don't even remember what a peen looks like so pregnativity (my made up words lol) aint going down over hea! Don't worry, next week i'll be back to bitching about that other species. It's a vicious cycle. Speaking of that other species...Lets continue that cycle right about....


Remember SmartGuy...Yea the stalker I was telling yall about. Well he got the hint I wasn't interested and stopped texting. I see him here and there and make small talk. Well, last week I saw him in the cafe and decided that I should be nice to him. I bent down to give him a hug. Don't you know this motherfucker had the nerve to put his face in my tits!! Yes, he put his face in the lovlies!

Me: "Sir!, WTF?! that was not cool. Don't you ever do that shit again! + some other obscenities that I can't remember".

Straight embarrassed his ass in front of his lunch flunkies. I was pissed beyond the highest pisstivity! How dare that hanglip bastard have the audacity to test my limits. I could see if I was attracted to him and wanted him to put his nostrils between the lovlies, buuut Nah SON, I don't know you like that '_'. And even if I DID that shit still don't fly. I get the feeling he's one of those fools that are so used to dealing with whores and skuttlebutts that he doesn't know how to quell his blackardry in the presence of a young lady. He found me later and gave me a silly ass apology...lookin all stupid in the face! A hot triflin mess. And get this: A few days later I had a dream that he tried to rape me. Creepiest shit EVER. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is....

BlackMon's birthday was yesterday. I wouldn't have even remembered if mom didn't mention it. She hit the lotto off his birthday a few years back, so now she plays it every year. Chile Please! He ain't hardly bring me any good luck. I checked hacked his old blackplanet page and sure enough he still uses it (his outdated ass). He had a few notes from some young ladies hoodrats. This is what his page said:

"I'm halfway single (girlfriend) but don't see settling down to be one dem square niccas"

Tell me why I felt a twinge in my heart after reading that fuckery.^^It's been well over a year since i've seen him but I seriously felt some type of way for 0.125 nanoseconds. Moving onnnnn. And for the 3430480343th time. No, I haven't forgotten about the BlackMon series! Update coming soon ( I promise this time!)

So today was the 1st day of my advanced med-surg rotation on a trauma unit. I know i'm fully BEYOND capable of taking care of patients; but the fact that I didn't get an externship this summer and seemingly everyone else in my program DID has me feeling at a disadvantage. I hate hate HATE feeling like that. Plus, i'm the only black girl in my clinical group so naturally i'm expected to do 1,000x better than the pale skin kind. Man, I couldn't even take a freaking blood pressure without getting all nervous and fumbly (word?). I hate feeling like I don't know stuff and my instructor expected us to just go off and do everything. Mind you, this was my first rotation at that hospital so I didn't know where shit was or how the computers worked. Ugh. I just felt so incompetent. Not to mention I have a million tests this week, careplans due, papers due. Overwhelmed much? methinkso. Anyway, I called my mom today and her mommy senses must've told her something was wrong. She gave me some words of encouragement and I feel a little bit better. I took a nice hot shower, got me a soft taco, and some hot cocoa. Next time will be better. I.GOT.THIS!

CHILE PLEASE- Friday should have been here yesterday...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Study woes

I'm sitting in the computer lab after I attempted to study in the cafe (you know I can't be too far away from FOOD ) I have a big nursing test Monday and I don't know how the hell to study for it. I think i'm suffering from burnout. I've always been a excellent student but lately I just haven't been motivated to do anything. I used to outline entire freakin chapters, color coded and everything! I was such a nerd. Now, i'm proud of myself if I skim the chapter summary. Plus i'm a procrastinator so I always blow off things until the last minute. And it's such a nice day out. I am loving this lovely weather in October (hate wintertimes, yes I said "wintertimes" lol). Okay...that's enough venting and excuses. Give me some study tips ppl!!!! I'm going to finish studying now :*(

CHILE PLEASE- I just want to graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Fabulosity revived?

I absolutely love this song/video right now!

Somebody told me she got the concept from the cute lil ole ladies back in the 60's

I personally don't give a damn if she stole it, borrowed it, jacked it..Whatever..Indeed there was a lot of twerking going on but dayum..Give her a break! Seems like she was paying homage to the original along with the art of dance. Plus this song makes me feel a little better about being single LOL.

CHILE PLEASE- I can't wait to laugh at offbeat heffas do these dances in the club (including myself LOL)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Chile Puh-lease

Maybe i'm bipolar. I get really happy, then all of a sudden i'm cold/sad/angry. Nah, i'm not bipolar because theirs always something that is a legitimate impetus for my change of mood.

After all that i've been through these past 6 months I feel like no one really understands. Sure people can offer words of sympathy (and I appreciate all my lovely readers comments!) and tell you 'it's gonna be ok' but no one will ever know. Friends, one truly understands exactly what the fuck i've been through over these last few months and how is has affected me. I do not tell everybody everything so I edit a lot of things regarding my previous relationships both here and offline I still don't know if I ever really got over or thru the business of having my heart broken. I thought SJ fucked my head up good; but after Chocolate, as devastated as I was, I sort of cried it out (a lot), put on a face stiffer than a mannequin and pushed it all to the side. "Fuck it" I said.."Fuck it in the ass with a sandpaper and rise it off with vinegar!" Personal relationships with friends are not as close as they once were. People were always quick to give advice on what I should do when all I wanted them to do was listen to me. Folk have done things against my wishes after I explicitly expressed my opposition. Other things I have felt passionate about have fallen on deaf ears. Chicks before dicks remember? I feel like people that i've always been honest with aren't being honest with me. Like they're holding back things that they normally wouldn't because they think it will hurt me in some way (Chile Please..i'm a grown woman). And, I feel like certain folk we're happy that I got played.

Sometimes I feel like i'm bitter. Because that sounded really bitter huh? But guess what? I am. I'm human and we're allotted these emotions; otherwise we would be empty vessels with no sense of what it means to go through life. I don't know if it's a phase but I have been colder than i've ever been. I don't smile when I see a cute guy; don't get excited when he smiles at me; don't really give a fuck if he smiles at all. Don't carry on the way I used to in personal relationships cause I don't want people close to me. Nor, do I want to know whats going on with them. I guess that's just how shit is right now until.....


Chile Please- I'm more numb than if I had lidocaine flowing thru my veins and arteries.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Men are like toys

I'm still alive! Freaked out but i'm never going to that store alone again!

Ok, on to my favorite subject: Mens!

I haven't been on a date since Chocolate. Even after all i've been through I can't help but miss him. *Sigh* He's like the expensive toy that you begged for everyday. You got it but couldn't get the full potential out of cause you didn't have all the extra attachments so you just gave up one day. (i.e Love, Trust, Communication).

Moving onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Anywho, remember BigB? He's like the toy you couldn't get enough of on Christmas Day but come New Year's you were over it. Cute doll but it only says one phrase. "Sex Please" He called me yesterday out the blue. We talk on AIM every once in a blue. He recently broke up with his girl. He wants to know if we can go out when i'm not busy. But you know I always have to do my little spin on things:

Translation: My ass is in a drought and I was wondering if you could make it rain?

I didn't give him a 'yes' or 'no'; more like a 'meh'. Plus, I don't necessarily find him attractive after that hygiene incident. Don't get me wrong, he's still cool and all but I just don't wanna be bothered.

Later that night I got a text from BabyBoy asking me what I was doing. He's like the fragile doll that grandma passed down to you but set aside because it doesn't do special shit like talk, piss, or make faces; cute, boring, and scared you might break it. This baby is still tryna get me in between his power ranger sheets. He keeps saying that he doesn't have a girlfriend wants me to chill with him (suuuuuure). I was bored so I played text tag until it got a lil freaky.

Lovely: Ok, go to bed now bighead!
BabyB: I can't sleep, still wide awake Ms.
Lovely: I need to come tuck you in?
BabyB: I think so..I think that would help
Lovely: lol. nah, i'ma stay right here. Drink some warm milk
BabyB: whoa

Yes, I admit to being a tease ;) I saw him in the hall today and snuck up on his sexy self. I sense he wanted to chill w/me but he didn't ask. Chile Please! I had a little smirk inside cause I could seriously have him sprung if I wanted too. Show up at his door with a robe and lingerie..He would lose his 20year old mind hahaha.

I'm ready for something new.. Tired of these old hand me down "Remember the time..." niggas. I need a brand new fresh-out-the-box smelling toy to play with!

Monday, October 6, 2008


Ok, i'll get right to it. No it isn't Blackmon or some dude not taking the hint. Some scary shit happened to me last night and I am still in shock, scared, and basically creeped the eff-out!

Last night someone followed me home to my moms house. No no're not understanding. Like literally! I went to the supermarket at about 8:30-9ish to get some engine oil for my jalopy of a car. On the way home I was on my cell so I can't tell how long he was following me. I only noticed he was following me after I turned down the main street to my house because his lights were so bright. So, I pull into the parking lot of our complex and park front bumper first. I changed my mind and tried to back into the spot(to access my hood easier) but this mystery car with his halogen high beams pulled up on my ass so fast that I couldn't back in, and had to pull into another spot. I thought he would've kept going but he stopped at the dumpster located at the end of the parking lot. So, being the adept driver that I am I did a K-turn out the spot back toward my original spot while he's still sitting there bewildered. Next thing you know; I get out my car to rush into the house and he pulls up on the grassy side opposite the parking lot and calls me: "Hey....Hey..." I don't know if I was being naive or just plain terrified but I remember replying "Yes?!!!" with much attitude. He didn't say anything back...just stared at me. I ran into the house and told my mom what happened as he pulled out the parking lot. I was tempted to follow him and get his tags but mom wouldn't let me. OMG, I am still scared and constantly looking over my shoulder. I clearly didn't know him and he didn't know me! I swear everytime I go into that supermarket some shit like this happens. One night another man waited for me to come out the store late at night and basically bullied me into giving me his number. Another incident, this old ass rapist lookin white man ran up on me and tried to harass me. It was dark so I didn't get a good look at his face but of what I can remember he was brown skin, bald-head, medium build & driving a new silver Caddy with NJ tags. And it looks like he had on a bluetooth headset. I don't think anything will happen to me, but just in case I put it out there.

CHILE PLEASE- WTF is wrong with people!?

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I can't eat what?!!!

So heres the backstory; before I moved on campus I had to get a meningitis shot. The doc asked me if I wanted to get blood work done and I said what the heck. It's been a year since I got tested anyways. So 2 weeks later I get a letter in the mail saying that I need to follow up with my lab results. OMG, my heart was on the floor!!! Buuuuuuut, the letter also said it wasn't an emergency because if it was they would have called (whew!). OK, so I schedule an appointment for the following week. The little asian doc walks in and says that I have........


The normal total cholesterol is 200. Mine? 255 :(

She basically went on to say that I had to exercise and eat right for 3 mths because if it doesn't go down they wanna put me on meds. So what that means is that I can no longer can I have sour cream on my tacos, eat a whole pack of bacon (because I will do it!), marinate my delicious steaks in butter, nor put extra sharp cheese on my mac & cheese :(

I'm only 24 and I weigh 112lbs. That goes to show you that all skinny folk are not healthy! All those people telling me I could eat whatever I want, went straight to my head because; Yes, I am a certified food addict. Put anything in front of me and I will most likely eat it. Except for (ironically) oatmeal and cheerios. (Oatmeal looks like throw up and cheerios taste like cardboard!)

The next day I decided to chop down my weekly 1hr 30mins of cardio so I ran to my car. Don't you know these crackheads started laughing at me?! Talmbout: What yo' skinny ass runnin fo'? Argh! Then to make it worse they closed our gym for repairs. Lawd what is I's gonna do?! My mom nagged me to go to the store and buy Cheerios and Oatmeal (gag!). Me and my dad's girlfriend Freckles went food shopping the next day and I got turkey bacon and wheat bread. I was trying to be health conscious yall. Anywho, she brought my dad pigs feet, extra thick bacon, and poak chops. I was like WTF Freckles?! You tryna give my pop a heart attack? She said he gets mad if she doesn't buy it..smh; guess you can't change some folk. Clearly I get my food habits from him (minus the pigs feet..ugh) because my mom is extra health conscious. She's almost a vegetarian and made me eat this carrot/broccoli/celery soup with ginger and garlic yesterday (I love veggies!). But the short of it is I plan to get this cholesterol down which is why I gave my block of cheese, bacon (cry), and eggs to my roomates. I'm about to go run today. I'll be back tomorrow cause I haven't talked about mens in awhile.

CHILE PLEASE- I even forced down oatmeal this morning.