Saturday, August 30, 2008

Who knew

moving could be so difficult.

CHILE PLEASE--I am exhausted.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Quick Post

Hola Lovlies..I am running around like a chicken with the head cut off trying to get stuff ready for school. I had orientation for my Psych rotation so I had to get up stuuuupid early after not being able to fall asleep all night. I will get around to passing the love (thanks Eb!)..

About to go get me some funnel cake and try to pack the rest of my crap, and listen to some music

CHILE PLEASE-- Give me the green liiiiiiight..I'm ready to go right now..




3 Stacks is one weird sexy momofuffa!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Fuckery



The one word that describes my life right now.

Didn't do much of anything this weekend. I'm packing to move into my apartment. I never realized I had so many clothes, not too mention twice as many shoes! And all these books that the bookstore won't take back,ugh! Ebay here I come..Otherwise, i'm looking forward to this move. I've been away from home before but this will be the 1st time i've moved out. I won't be far (20mins away).. After graduation I don't think i'll be back. Me, her, and two hormone-laced know-it-all teenagers..NOPE! Can't do it anymore. I almost killed my stupid ass sister yesterday because of her stank attitude. She's still mad about me not being able to do her hair. After I picked her up from work she walked in the door first and slammed the door in my face. It took everything in my not to take her by her hair and fling her out the window. Cursing and carrying on with my mom standing right there..smh. IDK where the she gets her attitude but she pissed me off so bad I told her she wasn't my sister anymore..Felt a little bad at first but that little heffa is too ungrateful...I cannot stand her. I'm getting so fucking tired of arguing with people. It's almost too the point where I just rather not deal with it and ignore you. I wish life came with a remote control like that movie Click. I'd put mad people on MUTE. Maybe even delete a few folk. My brother is cool; about to go to highschool next week and I know those little fast girls are going to be all over him. He looks like a young Kobe Bryant..only cuter. Feel bad for my mom dealing with those two knuckleheads...

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately and I feel like my clock is tick-tick-ticking away. By this time next year I should have a secure career making good money. I'm gonna be on my way to certified adulthood yall. For some odd reason or another all I can think about is how my family is going to be. Who will I marry? How many kids will we have? (God better think twice before giving me daughters because the moment she talks out the side of her mouth i'm sending her ass right back to him) Will.I.be.HAPPY?....All these scenarios have been playing in my head. Baby showers, births, my wedding,..all of this. I feel so alone right now.

CHILE PLEASE- I know that wasn't remotely entertaining but that's how I feel mayne...

Friday, August 22, 2008

My services are no longer free

No, i'm not selling my ass for cash. I usually don't do 2 posts in a day but this shit right here......

My sister asked me to re-braid her hair in individual (booty braids) for school. Mind you, I JUST put micros in her head 2 weeks ago. She has a little part-time job now so she can pay for the hair and i'll usually do it for free cause you know......that's family right?

Well, not anymore. She asked me could I do the individuals next weekend and I told her "NO". I have to move into my apartment and with school starting I won't have time. Plus like I said, I JUST put micros in. I told her to wait the following weekend and I should be free. Well, this little heffa gonna catch an attitude and start arguing with me talmbout: "Well, you can do everybody else hair when they ask..blah blahimaspoiledlittlebitch blah." Damn right I do and the reason is because they PAY me. I braid pretty fast so it only takes me 6 hours; but that's 6 hours i've wasted for free vs making $$$. You're not contributing to me having early arthritis for free because you wanna be all fresh to death on the first day of school..fuckouttahea!

The thing is, I was going to do it for free but since she wants to act like a little bitch I informed her she will now have to pay for my services or find somebody else. Family is a trip..

CHILE PLEASE
- And her school major got the nerve to be Cosmetology..Learn how to braid ya own damn hair!

Q & A Friday

I got these Q's over at Eb's spot. Haven't done one of these in many moons so what the heck:

1. What's your favorite song to have sex too.

I don't really like to have sex with music playing cause it distracts me from the task at hand. I like to hear all the moans and groans and "Oooo's" and "Ahhhh's". Whew, i'm getting myself worked up but that's a whole 'notha post chile. Anywho, if I had to choose it'd beeee:


Its Getting Late - Floetry


2. What's your drag name?
Hmmm..I never really thought about that. I'd have to go with Chocolate Deluxe. Not really "draggy" but it's safe and beats CremeBruLay as given by the drag name generator lmao

3. In the film of your life, who will play you?
Well, since I think i'm often the underdog, I'd have to go with Thandie Newton or N'Bushe Wright. Both actresses are very underrated and sometimes overlooked. Now, Thandie looks nothing like me (besides the fact that we are both super skinny) but she is such an intense actress and lawd knows Ms. Lovely has been through some intense things. N'Bushe is another great actress that gets overlooked. All her roles come off as believable and passionate. I wanted to jump out that dumpster blastin with her on Dead Presidents.."Anthonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"


4. What is one thing you would change about yourself?
Procrastination. If you think you're the queen of it, I am the Empress. For some reason I leave everything to the last minute. Whatever it is, always gets done but at the last minute. It's not a good trait to have, especially when it comes to financial matters. Thanks the baby jeeebus for deferment because I am so not ready to pay off these student loans :(

5. What's your status message on your preferred social networking site?

Facebook- Phone is outta commission..holla@ me on the innanets. And yes, I am still very much in ♥ with David Oliver.

Personal Myspace - No status there. Left that blank cause I have too many men waiting for me to put up a "Woe is me..I hate men" status so they can pounce. I haven't even changed my relationship status..Gawd knows I do not want to be bothered with that species right now.

Ok, this is the last weekend I have before school starts. I don't really have $ to go out and party it up but i'll find something to do--hopefully. Maybe i'll guilt LongHair into footing the bill for my last summer hoo-rah since she introduced me to that lame. Have a good weekend Lovelies!

Chile Please--All I need is an amaretto sour and a dance floor..

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I have a new boyfriend!

In my mind anyway.

Now, I haven't really been tuning into the Olympics regularly; and when I do it's usually for the races and some gymnastics (those little flat chested girls are so flexible!). So last night i'm watching the mens 110m hurdles and the man of my dreams crossed the finish line. I have not picked up my jaw off the floor since.

David Oliver







Handsomeness! I immediately hopped on the comp and proceeded to find a new desktop background. In the midst of my stalking I also ran across his blog! So not only is the man talented and all around sexy; He can express himself. I swear I haven't had a crush like this since Marques Houston was "Batman" lol.

Chile Please! He can jump my hurdles anytime! (corny I know)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Leaves At My Feet

So I finally found out the reason Chocolate decided to drop off the face of the galaxy (sorry Torrance but I gotta get it out lol). I was talking to my homegirl LongHair yesterday and she told me she saw him 2 weeks ago at Melo's job and confronted him. Chocolate said he was having problems with his phone and couldn't call (LIES. He could've gotten my # from Melo). LongHair told him he wasn't right and that he could've handled the situation better. She went on to say how disappointed she was because the only reason she gave him my number in the first place is because she thought he was a mature dude. Well what did he say?..This is what he said yall

Choc:"I tried to tell her..."
LH:"How?"
Choc"Well, I told her I wasn't used to being up under ppl everday and she caught an attitude.."

Ok, I did at first...but as you can recall I gave his ass 2 weeks to himself. Whatever. I also told him that I didn't want to be up under him everyday either. Didn't want to make him feel like he had to check in and compromised w/him. Told him that if we weren't going to see eachother everyday that he should at least communicate with me, all of which he agreed too WTF?! I had to *woosah* for a second... (it does work Eb! lol)

She finished tellin Chocolate about his self and he just sat there--silent. LongHair gave him my number but of course he hasn't called. After he left Melo said Choc was probably pissed cause he doesn't like ppl in his bidness. Well ya know what? If you handled your bidness like a man..............................................................................................

My last text was to him was over 2 weeks ago forgiving him and myself, hope he is well..Pretty much took the high road..

And as if a sign from God something told me to finally watch Madea Goes To Jail (all late!). I had seen all the Tyler Perry movies but never watched the play. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have have have to get to one of these plays. She is so damn funny and speaks so much truth. This part had me laughing and crying at the same time:


Chile Please! No more lifetime expectations for seasonal people.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Please Excuse My Hands


And now that I have your undivided attn ladies (and some gents lol). How was your weekend lovlies? Mine was otay. Nothing spectacular. Almost fought a 250lb dude over my sister, cussed out a neighbor or 2, saw The Dark Knight (all late!)..the usual. But here's the reason why I was feeling naughty this past Friday (teehee). This post is a little long so grab some popcorn, cigarette, babysitter perhaps?

Back story
I used to work at a bank last year. It was a pretty mundane and repetitive job and I was probably one of the few black folk working there until in walks Mr. Fineness one January morning. The name pretty much says it all but let me give you a visual: Mr. Fineness is about 6'0" of chocolate, dresses very dapper, smells delicious, and has a great personality to top it off. I was absolutely in lust from the moment he walked in the door. Anywho, we chatted it up and got to know eachother; ended up going out to a few clubs and parties with friends; pretty much platonic-ville. As a matter of fact he's the co-worker that introduced me to that fugazie negro LightBright. So a few months go by and he ends up hooking up with this girl Pecan that we worked with. No hate (well, maybe just a smidgen), I was cool with Pecan and I was genuinely happy for them. But that didn't mean I couldn't fantasize about having sexytimes with him in the safe deposit room (I even had a dream about it lmao). Anywho, I left that job and pretty much gave up all hope of ever leaving platonic-ville with him, although we kept in contact via email and updated each other on our love/life situations and whathaveu.

>>Fastforward to last Friday
I took my sister to buy some clothes in the plaza I used to work. I didn't feel like playing fashion expert to lil sis so I took a trip over to catch up with Mr. Fineness. We chatted it up and I told him what happened with Chocolate. I didn't ask him about Pecan at that moment even though he told me they were having some problems. He recently moved into an apartment right around the corner from my house (you follow where this is going?...) and told me to hit him up if I ever wanted to chill, drink, get away. He was getting off work soon and suggested that I come over and see the apt and chill. Hmmm...I thought. I flipped it and told him that he should call me instead because I wasn't sure of his status with Pecan.

1hour later...
As i'm blog browsing I get a call from noneotherthaaaaan..asking me to come over and chill. I thought about it. Should I? Why shouldn't I? Couldn't really come up with a reason that I shouldn't and by then was annoyed with myself for thinking too much. So off I went. I get there and he opens the door with no shirt. Ummmm. Wow. This little visit was proving itself to be yet another episode of fuckery in my life. After picking up my chin off the floor, I composed myself and in true Lovely fashion brushed it off with a joke about him having a bird chest. I thought we were going to sit in the living room but we ended up watching a couple movies and music videos in his bedroom (ummmmmm). The sexual tension was ca-ray-zeeee. Trying to avoid the inevitable I was sitting so far off the bed that I could have easily fell and embarrassed myself. To avoid that, he gave me a pillow and pulled me closer. As Mrs. Doubtfire dropped her false teeth into the wineglass, Mr. Fineness' hands started to roam..thru my hair(mmm)..stroking the nape of my neck(ahhh)..and on to boobageland(whoa!). The man was trying to get some afternoon delight yall. I pulled his arm away

"Are you still with Pecan?"...
"No, we broke up recently...but we still talk."

I told him I wouldn't take it there with him. I can't. I couldn't. Even though I was 0.125 seconds away from committing a first degree rape on his ass we lay there some more. Even if I wanted to make sexytimes with his fine self my period was a-droppin so he couldn't come a-knockin anyway (one of the reasons I decided to come over in the 1st place). Plies "Please Excuse My Hands" video (how appropriate!) came on and once again his fingers started to roam. I jokingly pulled his card and told him he was just trying to get some afternoon delight because my ass was all vulnerable and shit. We both tried to laugh it off but this time he stopped the finger olympics. We didn't even kiss. I excused myself to the bathroom and noticed that Pecan's toothbrush was still there *sigh* He ended up having to run some errands and I went home a little conflicted. I told him I would contact him and vice versa. So awkward. On the drive home one part of me was feeling a little slutty? whorish? skankish even. I knew what I was getting myself into going over there in the daylight of broad lol. And what if I end up seeing Pecan around? Could I smile in her face or give her a hug even? The devil dancing on my opposite shoulder reveled in the fact that I could have him if I wanted after all this time. Shoot, even though me and Pecan are cool, we were never that cool. Plus she's not even with him with him anymore. Shoot, Ms. Lovely doesn't usually play the bad girl in these situations but this would be a good story to tell my grandkids. I don't know what to do but that cuddle session was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of the chocolate one. I haven't talked to him since but he sent me a few chain emails from work this morning. Damn Mr. Fineness, why you gotta be so fine!??!

Please speak on it ladies and gentlefolk..

CHILE PLEASE--I ain't one for stealing but does it count if I forgot it was in my cart?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Needles & Open-faced tomato sammiches

This week has been the longest week EVER for some reason. TGIF..

I went to get this meningitis shot earlier today before I move into my campus apartment. I drove all the way to the docs office only for them to tell me that my insurance wasn't listed with them and that I had to reschedule or switch my primary to them. Ugh! I thought my primary was them. My mom switched it over again. Anyway i'm not too angry because I made another appt with my primary..whatev.

I couldn't help but notice the neighborhood my doctor is located is a page straight out of Crackerville, USA. I see these stay at home dads running with their spoiled kids in 3 wheeled strollers. Eating their open-faced tomato and mayo sandwiches and strolling carelessly in their overtly expensive Liz Claiborne pants suits. The mall is adding on 50 extra stores and a parking garage. A freaking parking garage!!! Yet, just a couple towns over in my hometown, one of the poorest in the nation, folk don't even have but one supermarket, streets are nothing but potholes and pregnant teenagers roaming the streets. Made me so mad I wanted to run a "Suzanne" or "Brett" the fuck over in my little jalopy..I get like that sometimes when I think about how my people live. But then I remember I shouldn't be complaining about such matters rather doing something to alleviate the situation..right? smh

I came on my period after being 5 days late. All the stress from Chocolate got me off..My period usually lasts for 3 or 4 days. Wouldn't it be lovely if it just lasted 1 day? Just *gush*--The end. And why the hell are tampons so damn expensive? I should be using pads but they feel like diapers to me. *squishsquish* everytime you walk. Plus at night I don't need to be worrying about if i'm gonna wake up with my sheets looking like i've been brutally stabbed.

**I did this draft earlier and I just came back from almost doing something I probably had absolutely no bidness doing. I'll tell ya 2morrow..

CHILE PLEASE- I am such a naughty girl . And I love it!!!! mhahahahahahhaahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Insomnia Randomness



1. Today I wanted soda so bad. I loves me some Pepsi! Not Coke. Just good ole burn-your-stomach Pep-si. I won't even get into how my 8th grade trip was to a sewer plant. Then the teacher had the nerve to take us to McDonalds afterwards. ugh. Since then me and faucet water do not get along. The only time I really drink water is when.
a) I'm getting sick
b) I'm on the brink of dehydration
c) I have no choice
Anyway, this soda has my ass wired up. Blogging on the latenight (teehee)

2. I miss that damn Chocolate. I really don't know why he stopped calling. We met through mutual friends so i'm pretty sure someone knows why. I asked his homeboy Melo (who is currently trying to date my close friend Brownie) and he said he didn't know anything even though he's with Chocolate on the daily. *sniff sniff* I smell BULLSHIT! Acting like he was all concerned and ish. He knows why but doesn't want his pussy plans to be ruined with Brownie. Then, I got my girl LongHair who gave Chocolate my number from jump and now she claims she doesn't wanna get involved. You see... she is good friends with Melo (your head hurt yet? haha). Anyway, I asked her to dig up some info and she said that she'd "blabbed her mouth on Melo 1 too many times" and didn't want him to get mad at her. What!? You don't want Melo to get mad? WTF?! I wanted to jump thru the phone and slap her for that one. What happened to Chicks Before Dicks??? You see me hurting out this bitch, voice all hoarse, loosing weight and whatnot and u won't even ask some damn questions?! I swear i'm about to cut everybody.the.fuck.off!

3. I'm slowly becoming addicted to HGTV. I can't wait to become a homeowner one of these grown up days. I can't wait to have my pink pool table (yes pink damnit)

4. I can't wait to go back to school and get this over with. I am so sick of these ppl in my nursing program thinking they know every-effin-thing! I passed one of our hardest test last semester and this white bish gonna say"OMG! How'd you get that grade?!" ..."Ummm, I studied like you shoulda did instead of playing beer pong all night you stupid bitch" Ok, I didn't say that but I can't stand them snooty white heffas.

5. I want these sheets for my dorm room. I have suddenly become obsessed with all things zebra print. Such a tacky gal!

6. I want sex.

7. I need sex.

8. Did I mention I want and need some sex?

9. I've been browsing blogs all day long. I discovered Eclectik tonight..I love love lovvve his blog. What's that you say? I'm late? Yea, I know. I love the randomness of his posts and his musical selection is fire. I got that Jean Grae "Whatever" on repeat.."A slice-a cake? I'll do anything for you boy.."

10. I started up a MYSPACE page for you curious Georges and Georgettes that wanna sneak peak at the Lovely One. I have like negative 1000 friends so do me a favor and add me so I won't look like such a loser. And don't forget to please nominate me for BEST PERSONAL BLOG. Thanks lovlies!

Chile Please!- Time for me to watch HGTV and try not to play with myself.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Club Nonsense



Oh yea...so remember I was 'sposed to go out with DanaDane..well after a few text messages and calls she said that she was having car trouble and a rain check was in order. No prob, even though I had my mouth set on some steak fajitas. So what was a girl to do? I definitely didn't wanna stay in the house and sulk over Chocolate's stupid big head ass. So me and Teddy went out and got drunk at this local white folk/old head spot. It was ladies night and free so we figured, what the hell? He's off to Norfolk next week for school and we haven't gotten stupid drunk together all summer. After we got tipsy I decided to make my way to the dancefloor. My shy behind usually won't dance alone but Teddy wanted to hold the wall. I said "fuck these ppl" and got myself bodied. The DJ was mostly wack juice but he played a few party starters. Eventually, I got Teddy to dance and he had fun. Just a few observations:

1. Dear 50+ black couple on the floor dancing like stone cold fools all freaking night: All that hippin and hoppin in the corner. Go sit down somewhere before you have a heart attack!
2. Dear Ms. Lesbian: I do not want your girlfriend so stop screwfacing...with your Midget Mac lookin self!
3. Dear Big Boy on the sideline: Why you looking at me with the stank face? Like i'm a vegetable and shit..
4. Dear Black business man: Sir, why do you have on a suit with cut off sleeves in this hot ass club? And that box fade...Looking like something from 1992..smh
5. Dear Bougie Bonton chick: Stop staring at me and finish sippin on your wine. I don't want his cut off sleeve wearin ass!
6. Dear Drunken black girl duo: Stop it. You're embarrassing yourselves.
7. Dear Lovey Dovey couple: No, I do not want to see you "make love in this club." Get a room!
8. Dear old white lady: The mullet is not fashionable and neither are your dance moves. Go head with that Napoleon Dynamite shit.
9. Dear Young Black Dude: I wanted to dance with your fine ass but you just had to bring your ugly ass girlfriend!
10. Dear Lawyer White Man: You can offer to pay my tuition all you want, I still won't sleep with you. Go'head with your creepy bald in the front pony-tail wearing ass!

Chile Please- Please don't make me point you out too. Behave yourself up in these clubs.

Aunt A's lesson

First off I want to say RIP Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. An old co-worker texted me the news about Bernie Mac. Just the night before a friend told me he was getting worse and I argued that I heard he was getting better. It took me awhile to actually believe it until I saw and read it. Even though we didn't know him, he felt like everyones favorite funny uncle.

Which brings me into today's post

My grandmom had 5 daughters. I have no maternal uncles. Just 4 crazy, funny, adventurous, and sometimes tragic aunts. I have to give yall a little background before I go into my story:

Aunt A- She's the oldest and loudest. I don't think i've ever heard her be quiet cause he mouth is always running like a marathon. She reminds me of actress Debbi Morgan. Unfortunately, Aunt A has some problems. I don't know when it started but my guess is after her husband tried to stab her to death 20 years ago. After that she went down south, and came back with a southern accent and a drug problem. My grandmom says she was so smart and outgoing before that happened. She doesn't have any children, either as a result of the stabbing or God just saw how short her fuse was way too short for children.

Mom (Lee)- She's the most quiet of them all. She very shy in public and she most def passed some of that to me. She's so pretty. When she came to my highschool ppl would ask if she was a model. Now, for her it's all about work work work-and church. I guess you can say she's family oriented. She has 3 kids (moi is the oldest), my 17 yo-i-think-im-grown sister, and my 13yo-i'm -just-2-cool brother. I have a diff father than my brother and sis. My mom has no man at the moment. She let her last man, Mr. Controlling, go. She is now waiting for God to send her the right one. I'm the oldest so i've watched my mom grow and overcome domestic violence and all types of fuckery that I probably shouldn't have witnessed. More to come on that later...

Aunt Freck- She's the middle child. She has 2 adult children. She doesn't look like the rest of my aunts because she has a diff father. I heard this made her feel out of place and she has a little animosity about it because she looks a lot diff than all my other aunts. When I was younger she used to think she was Salt from Salt-n-Pepa cause she always had her hair spritzed up with a cute outfit on. Definitely fashionable. I can always borrow a cute bag or pair of shoes from her. Right now she is back in college and getting her life on track. She's into religion now but sometimes she can be judgemental or try to push it on folk. It gets annoying sometimes.

Aunt Tee- She's the next in line. Has 2 adult sons. Say's she always felt like she was the ugly duckling until she grew up and learned how to do make up and hair. She's so beautiful with high cheek bones that reminds me of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford. She should have owned her own beauty shop. Everyone knows and loves her. One of the most creative, funny, silly, and outspoken people you would ever meet. Unfortunately she battles with the same problem as Aunt A. For years she's found a way on and back off that wagon. She was my favorite aunt growing up. I could go to her and tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. Aunt Tee used to hook my hair up with all the hot ghetto weaves lol. For the last few years she's been off the wagon but I think she's coming closer to wanting to come clean again..

Aunt Spirit - She's the baby and most successful. She has 2 masters degrees in Psychology and a great paying career. She owns her own house, has a nice car, and drives a motorcycle(lol). She has 3 adult daughters and if you stand her next to them you couldn't tell them apart. She had them when she was a teenager but didn't let that stop her from pursuing her dreams. She's a free spirit; always acting silly and having fun despite whatever situation she's going thru.

Ok, so those are my crazy aunts.

This weekend, Aunt A had a house warming party. She recently moved out of my grandmoms house into a small apartment in the projects. Definitely not the place she needs to be but a blessing nonetheless. My mom went to the dollar store and brought a bunch of household items and made baskets (my mom is the basket QUEEN)..It was so nice. Someone brought a dvd player and speakers. She was so happy..So I was feeling crappy again but I was trying to hide it this time. Aunt A pulled me outside and asked me what was wrong and I immediately broke down like a big baby. She told me she could see it on my face..I don't know how, but she did. She recalled the story of her ex-husband stabbing her and that made me sob even more. "You just like Lee...When you love. You love hard. You need to know that these men can be dogs out here...you have to be a cold hearted bitch sometimes. Don't give too much of yourself..Make them motherfuckers work and sweat for what they want." She preached more truth that would take awhile to put into words. My situation is nothing compared to hers and it made me realize how hard her life has been. I mean, shit..who wouldn't have problems if their own husband tried to kill them? At that moment I stopped judging my aunt and started to sympathize with her. All these women in my family have so much knowledge and I need to take advantage and appreciate it and not make the same mistakes. I pray for the day she will recognize her full potential. I think its going to be soon because she's been going to church with mom lately and can't get enough of the word.

Whew... i'm done being Oprah today.

Chile Please
- I love my crazy aunts.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Friday Run-Down (Bananas, little boys and queens)



Nominate Me!

K, so I started this blog just to get my feelings out. I'm not sure how many folk pay attention but to those who do, tis much appreciated. I get the occasional email from someone telling me how much they can relate. I'm definitely no stranger to this blogging thing (I straight abandoned my "funny/gossip" blog). Anywho, I saw that the 2008 Black Weblog Awards have started. I never participated in the past but hey..Why not?! If you feel the need g'head and nominate Ms. Lovely for Best Personal Blog.

What you doing this weekend?
Tonight i'm going out with my cousin DanaDane. She's my 2nd cousin from Philly. Last year we tried to keep in contact but it fell apart with both of us being busy with school. This year we talked at my grams BBQ last weekend and it turns out that she was going through almost the same thing as me. Ole' boy pulled a fadeaway on her too. Tonight will be full of man-bashing over drinks and steak. Family is the best.

Off topic
Right now i'm sitting here watching The Queen with Helen Mirren. I usually don't watch dramatic white folk stuff life this but it's kinda interesting. That old white biddy couldn't love anybody without somebody's head getting chopped the hell off. It's so sad that she died with a broken heart. The most poignant thing I got from this movie is when she said:"The hardest thing to govern is the heart." Why yes Liz, yes it is...


Off on a tangent
So yesterday I was into one of my depressed moods racking my brain for the 370348934th time to figure out why Chocolate stopped calling. I had a dream the night before that I was on my grandmom's porch and Chocolate was arguing with a girl on the next step. He went to go hit this person and when I ran to stop him, he turned into a little boy right before my eyes (I swear i'm not making this up! lol) Anway, as i'm staring at Facebook profile thinking about this literal ass dream my phone rang. It was, we'll call him BabyBoy. Despite being 4 yrs younger than me he's pretty mature. I saw him perform at our campus talent show and immediately went home and stalked his facebook. The boy can write some deep ass poetry, even wrote me a poem and posted it on Facebook (2nd Facebook reference..can we say 'addicted'?). Long story short, I thought he was too young and SJ came along kinda pushing him out the picture. He'll text once in awhile but rarely calls. He asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. Told him "No..Sorry" (I was in NO mood for company). I explained to him what I was going through and somehow we got into this deep ass conversation about relationships. After I hung up I felt a millions times better. I stopped waiting for Chocolate to call and the thoughts of him haven't been as frequent.

Food!
I have a craving for banana something. Banana pudding, fosters, split..Something! I will throw up at the texture of a regular banana but I like the taste if that makes any sense. Come to think of it i'm craving everything. My appetite is on the come up after going through that depression phase. I must have lost 5lbs in the last 2 weeks. I'll have those elle bees back by the end of next + 5 more if I keep this up. My period is about to come on *ugh* too so that's extra water weight. Ok, that's enough of me running my mouth. It's time for me to get up and take a shower and get myself together. I have a feeling something is gonna happen. Be it Chocolate calling or me meeting someone new. You know when you have that feeling?...yea something's gonna happen. Have a great weekend my lovely ones. I'll try 2.

Chile Please- If food is a substitute for love and sex, call me a lovesick whore.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Horniness!

I have not had sex in a month..

Yes, despite trying my best to be all virginal and shit I got some from Chocolate before we started moving mountains. I swear we tried so hard to fight it. Everytime he would try some mess I would push him away, and he'd do the same when I started sucking on his neck (teehee. he used to get sooooo mad when i did that). Anywho we gave into to our fleshly sinful desires. Chile Please! It was worth it and i'd do it again...and again..

*packing ice water for hell*

Ok so on with the sexcapade:

I've noticed a trend that my partners *ahem* get bigger and bigger. I thought BlackMon was pretty big but SJ came along and proved me wrong. Ok, didn't think it could get any bigger than that. Well, one night me and Chocolate were chilling..and as new relationships go we got to kissing and being all freaky-deeky like. Next thing you know my hand was in his boxers. What I thought was his right leg or perhaps a boa constrictor in his pants turned out to be the biggest penis I have ever encountered in my life. Seriously, it's that big. He had an XL Magnum that was even too tight. I felt so bad for him trying to squeeze that thing on lol. I admit I was a little nervous of getting a possible hysterectomy but Ms. Lovely is a rider (yes pun). Plus I was talking mad trash about how I could go all night blah blah (u know that stuff we do ladies lol). I was surprised because he really knew how to operate that thing--got me to where I was going and all. And just to prove my point that I could handle him we did it twice. Afterward I lay next to him thinking "Now who in the hell could be bigger than that?.."
Chile Please
--So much for the XXL Durex condoms I was about to order. I could have had so much fun with that thing :(

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Throwback poems and ish

So I was over at my boy Primo's spot and was reading one of his original poems. It got me to thinking about how much I used to write on pen and paper to get out my thoughts. This is waaay back when I was taking classes at community college in '02. I used to write silly shit all in between the margins of my paper in between taking A&P notes. After the semesters were over I always tore out the margins and put them in a little folder because one of these days I plan on publishing my book. Last week I even pulled out my junk drawer and started typing some of it up. I realize how much i've changed and how much I haven't changed some of my opinions on love, sex, relationships..etc.. .Anywho, here's some of my old nonsensical thoughts:

::Room::

Standin alone in a dark, damp room
Nowhere to go &nothing to say
Alone
Nobody cares what I do or feel
sometimes I don't; no most
Emotions pour from the other end
Affections run wild; soft on my cheek & wet on my neck
Muffled whispers through the wispy thin air
Thoughts making relays to my body, heart, & soul
Delirious tension fills my space
As a metaphoriacal melody dances on my skin
Not knowing which direction of the fork I should take
Left or right?
Brain or heart?
Soul or body?
My emotions subside
Yours heighten & continue to pour freely without thought
Then you've had too much of something
It begins to get old and sour
maybe this is most times
Sometimes I don't
No most
Nobody cares what I do or feel
Alone
Nowhere to go & nothing to say
Standing alone in a dark, damp room



Can we say depressing? "Metophorical melody?!"..my ass was on some other deep Andre 3000 motherland shit. Wowzas.

::rape::

Hey whats wrong?
He hurt you, how?
Don't close up
tell me how
he gave you a shove
he forced his way in
he did it over & over again
did you tell him to stop?
What, he gave you a pop?
right across the lips
he made you bleed inside
he made you scream & cry
well what did you do?
"I just lay there & died."


I don't know what possessed me to write this. Thinking back, I used to just write whatever came to my peanut head. It doesn't necessarily mean rape in the literally sense. It could mean the obvious physcal rape, emotional rape, mental, domestic abuse. All of which i've been through at one time or another. Take it how u want.


::untitiled:: (one of my favorites)


Why did you do this to me?- Let me hurt- I miss u much- can't stop calling- sending messages on my phone- hoping you're return my calls & some love back to me- a little part of your heart is mine no matter what I do- I fell like i'm going thru withdrawal- the cum is so addictive- its all up in my system & I can't seem to get rid of it- your skin makes me crave the sweet center inside of you- I luv it when you cum and break me off like with music & black thoughts- make me start to flow & my honey run- ease me open & slide in my door- don't knock hard- just ring the bell- the vibration makes my house shake- soon the walls will crumble-i'll hear you when you speak of nothing- your eyes say it all in the dark- underneath me-on top- on the side- or in back- this thing called willpower?- I lack.

Ms.Lovely was dickmatized indeed.


CHILE PLEASE- There's plenty more where those came from. And yes, that shit is copywritten. Nuff said.


Monday, August 4, 2008

Weekend Review

I went to 2 family events this weekend


Saturday-My cousin's son's 5th birthday party:
Now I usually don't like kiddie parties but I promised I would come. Plus there was food. And if anyone knows my 115lb ass, they know I eat like a grown man. Anywho it was so crazy to see all my cousin's kids running around looking like mini-replicas of their parents. I'm the last of the Mohicans who doesn't have kids yet and for some reason I feel like i'm running out of time. I used to like to hold babies and make all those silly goo-goo-ga-ga sounds but I tend to shy away from it now (bad memories..BlackMon Part 3 coming soon). I was on a depressed/angry seesaw mood that entire day. On the way to the party I rode by Chocolate's house to see if I could catch him (wasn't home). I got mad at that but the kids made me smile at their innocence. One of my little cousins let his party balloon go and stared up at the sky in wonder. "Where the balloon going Mi-Mom?" My aunt laughed but oh how I wished I was that balloon..

Sunday-My great-grandmother's 82nd birthday party:
Every year our entire Philly/Jersey fam gets together to celebrate the tie that binds us all. She is so lovely and doesn't look a bit of her 82 years. She still drives, has her wits about her and can take care of herself. I pray i'm fortunate enough to be like her when i'm older. She's really religious so we couldn't listen to popular music. My uncle Don (the family DJ) had the jazz and gospel playing. And don't even ask me where the alcohol is unless you wanna get backslapped by greatgrams herself. Chile Please! we had church all day. It was so great to see my 2nd & 3rd cousins, great aunt's and uncles. As usual the food was craaaazy good. My uncle had the foil pans heated so hot food stayed hot. My grandmom hooked up her famous potatoe salad (My grandmom potato salad>>>>>>>everything else). My cousin G made some bangin yellow rice with crab meat, clams, olives and all types of stuff that made me beg for the recipe. Whew! We took pics of all the men and woman surrounding our great-grandmom. And my family is deep as hell so you know that took some maneuvering to get everybody in the damn pic. We had some praise dancers come out and perform and a gospel rap duo. Finally we sang happy birthday and topped it off with the electric slide and cupid shuffle (Lol..black ppl).

Most of the time I kinda stayed to myself and didn't really want to take a lot of pics..When i'm down I can usually feign happiness to avoid questions but I was just not feeling up to par. Like that Mary song My Life "Life can be only what you make it..when you're feeling down you should never fake it." And I wasn't. My grandmom asked me why my eyes looked puffy and I told her. She said that she went through the exact same thing and wasn't satisfied until she confronted him and said what was on her mind. I was so happy to hear that she understood where I was coming from. I'm just so tired of letting people hurt me and I just have to "get over it." or "let it go." "Karma's a bitch" they say (and I believe she is) but that bitch Karma needs to get the molasses out of her ass and help me out asap! I don't know why i'm being so stubborn but I simply won't be content until I get it all out. In order for me not to be a bitter bitch this is something I have to do. For me.

Chile Please--I'm taking grandmom's advice this time..

Friday, August 1, 2008

Still haven't heard anything..

It's been 2 weeks since I last spoke to Chocolate. This week the minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like days. Monday, I cried on and off. Tuesday, I racked my brain once again to try and figure out what went wrong. Wednesday I texted him and told him that I was moving on and that I forgive him and hope he's ok. Thursday I texted him again (I know..BAD Ms. Lovely!!! *smacks back of hand*)..I couldn't help it :( Today, i'm still my silly goofy self whenever i'm not thinking about him. I can't front, I hate morning and nighttime because he's the first and last thing on my mind. It still stings but I guess I'll get over it. Whenever my mom asks me about Chocolate I say we're "doing fine"..I'm not telling her about this one cause the last thing I need to hear is a big fat "TOLD YA SO!." Some things are better left unsaid. Thursday night my cousin FunnyGirl texted me right before I was about to have another one of my crying spells:

You are a smart, caring, thoughtful, beautiful, wonderful, outgoing, nurturing and selfless person. Your husband is one lucky man when you find him..

When I called her she said God put it in her heart to reach out to me at that moment. I swear we should have been sisters. She is so talented and outgoing no matter what her situation is and I admire that about her. I remember the exact moment I found out about SJ having a girlfriend she was there literally to hold me while I cried my eyes out..love that girl.. I'm so lucky to have family and friends who support me. Besides, I have so much to look forward to. Did I tell you that i'm moving on campus for my senior year of college?? (super excited!!). One of my roomates is one of the only other black girls in our nursing program so we can study together, do each others hair and just wild the eff out! I don't know what took me so long to move on campus..(well yes I do-- $ of course) but i'm doing it now. The only thing I get worried about is the the little youngins tryna slide up in my room. There's a few dudes on campus that just love them some Ms. Lovely. Chile Please! I'm gonna have to do a 100yd dash to my room every damn day..

What else is new...hmm

Oh yea, I got a call for a job at a group home for mentally disabled children. I should be getting an interview sometime next week so i'll let yall know what happens.

Other than that i'm okay. I appreciate all your comments, opinions, and support. This is one of the reasons I started blogging...The therapeutic quality of it all just makes the time worth it. I'm seriously thinking about throwing a pic up on this jawn for yall but I done clowned and outted way too many folk for that. Maybe I should make it private..We'll see..

Chile Please--I'm way to pretty to be getting shanked on the street.