Saturday, July 26, 2008

Not again..

So here I am bragging about the new love i'd found. Chocolate this. Chocolate that. Wanna know the truth? Chocolate hasn't called me in a week.

I haven't seen him since last Friday and that was after not seeing each other for almost 2 weeks (after he implied he needed some "space") He told me he would call me after he got done playing ball last Friday. I heard nothing.

Saturday. Nothing
Sunday. I called and left a voice message. (that's big, I NEVER leave voice messages)
Monday. I text him. Nothing.
Tuesday. Nothing
Wednesday. Nothing. I text a mutual friend of ours to see if he's ok. He is...
Thursday. I don't call or text
Friday. I'm crying & upset..I blow his phone the fuck up. Do the exact opposite of what I should be doing: Text messages. Calls. Voicemails. Basically, I played myself without regard to my dignity. But I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. Ms. Lovely wants some motherfuckin answers!
Saturday. Still haven't heard from him.

*waits for the onslaught of I-told-you-so's*

I know some of yall reading this are like. Damn..again?! What is going on with youMs. Lovely? Chile Please! I don't know..But what I do know is that i'm not the only one who goes through this. The only reason I put myself outthere on this blog is because I know some other young lady is going through the exact same thing but is too embarrassed or hurt to admit it. She feels like she can't talk to anymore without being judged; so whoever you are..*waves* You can come here..I won't judge you :) Anywho, on with the heartbreak..

I've already played myself more than I would have liked to. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I feel so stupid. So used. So hurt. So embarrassed. These past few months feels like someone dragged me to Six Flags and strapped me onto every damn rollercoaster. One minute i'm soaring with happiness, the next I have a knot in my stomach so big that I can't eat. Is it me? Is it wrong for wanting to be happy. Believing who ppl say they are. My trust has been shattered in the past so I marvel at how I manage to piece it together only to have that shit slapped back to the floor. A million more pieces. I guess Stupidity is the brand of glue that holds it together.

The funny thing is. From the beginning of this short-lived relationship I told him that if he did nothing else: All he has to do is be HONEST. And Chocolate didn't seem like the type to hold his tongue so I was confident that I had met my match. Chile Please! I couldn't be more wrong than a 500lb lady in full bodied spandex. I had my doubts that I was entering into a relationship a lil hasty but you only live once. I tried. It didn't work out. What am I gonna do? It's not the first and certainly won't be the last.

Chile Please--Are we ever truly happy?

Friday, July 11, 2008

What's Happenin?




Come to think about it..a looooot has been going on that ya girl has been too lazy to type..Grab the popcorn Lovelies..Let me give an update of the goings on..

1. Me and mom got into a big argument over Chocolate

What had happened was........Chocolate stopped by on his way home from the beach a couple Sunday's ago. Any other time I would've told him to come in but my mom was upset about something and she had to get up for work in the morning. I didn't wanna be disrespectful to her so I just went outside. Besides..like most moms, my mom is nosey. She woulda been allllll up in our faces. Anywho, i'm sitting in the car wth Chocolate and mom calls my phone and asks why didn't I finish my dinner. I told her I would finish it when I came in. 2 mins later I get another call asking me why didn't I tell Chocolate to come in. *sigh* (here we goooo). I bid Chocolate ado and walk into WWIII. As soon as I walk in the door mom is reminding me that i've only known him for a month, and how it looks stupid sitting in a car with someone..yadda yadda yadda, and how I haven't been the same since all that stuff went down with SexyJamaican. All of which I don't respond too. I never respond when my mom starts yelling which in turn makes her even more angry. I have a hotter than lava temper so I don't even start to burning folk unless it's necessary. That is my mother so it's never necessary. I just let her say what she had to say..And after much fuss and discuss I storm out and stay with my cousin FunnyGirl for a few days. Oh the drama! I came home a few days later and mom apologizes for being overprotective. She just doesn't want me to get my heart broken. That I can understand. But yet and still I am my own woman.

2. Niggas been hoppin out the woodwork again like termites! At first I thought somebody was playing a cruel joke and posted my number online or something.

  • LightBright..remember his fugazi ass? Well...he called me Tuesday talm'bout he was just thinking about me..yadda yadda. Asked me if I was still dating to which I happily replied. N-O! Get gone fool!
  • Guy From School..I gave him my number earlier this year and he just called me out the blue. Gawd dontchu hate that mess?! You staring at the phone all bewildered like 'Whodafuck this be?!' But I didn't feel like the fool. If I gave you my number 6mths ago and you're just now calling, you sir are the FOOL. Anywho I chatted it up with him for a little bit, congratulated him on graduation and whatnot. But I had to break him the news that I was taken..Another playette card revoked.
  • The Infamous BLACKMON: No you're eyes doth not deceive you. His black ass called me out the blue after 1yr +some mths. After I clicked "Accept" his voice boomed through my speakers."YO!..wsup, you woke?!"......"Uhhhh..yea..who is this? ((Just in case you doubted how out of touch he is it was 4:30 in the afternoon)). He commenced to harassing me about some bail money I put up for him last year. $383.oo to be exact that I never received. I called the court last year and they said he never showed up for court. We broke up shortly after, and when I asked him about the money he told me.."You might get it..you might not." I chaulked it up as my loss and moved on. If $383.00 was the price I had to pay to get him out of my life: So be it. I had forgotten all about that drama and moved on. I deleted his number long ago, so I don't understand why the hell he still has mine. Anyway, he said the court didn't have his case number on file and he needed some paperwork to show for it. He said he had just gotten out of jail (figures) and this case was the last thing on his record. Should I help the brother? Hmmm...Yea I had the letter because I had just cleaned up my junk drawer a few days prior(something told me to keep that letter) And I was about to give it too him BUT just like the fuck up he is, he started bumping his filthy gums about me being the reason he's all fucked up in the game now. Blamed me for fucking up his life because me "fucking some other nigga"(i'll explain it in the next BlackMon chapter) made him want to smoke, drink, and participate in all sorts of fuckerytastic behavior. Chile Please! Between gasps of air and laughter I told him he was nuttier than the Planters Peanut man. I hung up on his ass and he hasn't called back since.
3. "I'm not used to being around someone everyday" That's what Chocolate told your lovely one yesterday after a few days of not seeing each other. And it's only been 3 weeks since we've gotten together. I haven't seen him since this past Saturday and we haven't talked as much as we usually do. Like 98.9% of the male population and 95% of the female population he claims he's not a 'phone person.' This is weird in itself because he used to get on me for wanting to hang up when it gets too late. Hell, he even used to fall asleep on me...One minute we're talking and the next he's snoring in my ear. I.just.don't.get.it. I am well aware that we all need space from time to time but it's too damn early in the relationship for you to need some space. I could see this at a year..maybe even 6mths. But now?? Nigga we still need to be boo-lovin! And if it's space that you want..Ms. Lovely will give you ALL the space that you need: BY YOUR DAMN SELF!!! But I digress, I don't wanna be all up under his butt all day err'day either so I can understand where he's coming from. I think that part of the reason that relationships fail is that we put all of our free time, energy and identity into that 1 person. And when we find ourselves with a day off we don't have shit else to do but wonder what that other person is doing. Say it with me class.."Nee-dy." Nah, Ms. Lovely isn't needy..Am I?

Chile Please--If relationships are hard work, where the hell is my pay check?!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The search for Ms. Lovely's dream job continues

So since school ended i've been trying to get a job in a hospital. Remember I was telling you guys about that interview at that prestigous hospital. Well, once again i've been disappointed. Since I had the interview (a month ago) i've been trying to get some info. All the while they gave me the run around statement "You should hear something by the end of the week." Well, today I called for the 9374938th time and they tell me I should be 'receiving something in the mail soon. In other words: You didn't get the job.

I am so discouraged.

Dare I say this is racism. The reason I say this is because the stringy haired chicks in my program seemed to have no problem with their 'no-experience-having-working-at-a-pub-since-highschool' asses. It makes me so sick and i'm fucking tired of it. I've tried every hospital in the region and I get the same nonsense. And it's not just from the pale-faced kind. My own "sistas" seem to have their ass on their shoulders.

For instance, last week I went to turn in my application at yet another hospital. I walk into human resources dept and the lady sitting behind the desk is my color. "Good, maybe i'll get somewhere this time" Wrong. This obese lady waddles over with what appears to be a dirty mop on her head (yes her weave was that kitchen-ass)..Anyway, I politely asked her about the application process and if it was possible to speak with the nurse recruiter. Wanna know what this "sista" told me?

Did you fill out the application online? (Umm..yes but that shit never works so that's why i'm here!)
"Well, if you're experienced enough a recruiter will call you. I don't have anything to do with the application process.blah blah..i'm a fat nasty hater bitch..blah blah" She went on to claim that she couldn't give me the recruiter's direct line because she 'didn't know who the recruiter was.'

Now instead of me asking her if her job requirments included that she sit on her stretched out KMart skirt and eat deep fried oreos all fucking day; I chose to be the lady that I am, politely thanked her for nothing, and sashayed my lovely self out the door.

My people...Again. I am so discouraged.

I'm at the end of my rope and I find myself getting stressed and depressed over this mess..man i'm vexed (impromptu rhyming skills haha)

I have lots of experience in customer service and finance. My old boss told me to just say the word and i'd be put back on but I sincerely do not want to go backwards. I've been job searching everyday and nothing has come up. A few months ago I was joking about becoming a stripper but at the moment.........................

Chile Please--The pole is looking mighty lucrative right about now...