Friday, March 21, 2008

Chinese Food and Bullet Heads


I'm going to see SexyJamaican tonight and i've decided to let him know how I really feel about our situation. Ya girl hates coming off "needy" but this is something I need to know. Otherwise it's just gonna continue and i'm gonna get more annoyed. Part of me thinks he's just waiting for me to speak up. I think he'll be receptive..(plus I got the whip cream and blindfold fo' dat ass LOL!)

Last night I went over a friend's house to watch some movies. We watched Why Did I Get Married? for the first time and I like it. I was under the assumption that the entire movie took place in the woods. A few things that distracted me during that movie: Tyler Perry's beak- lol. Jill Scott's wig piece was just too over and through just like her marriage. Spawn's (Micheal Jai something) haircut looked like a vagina landing strip. Another thing I noticed: Janet Jackson sure has a big bullet head with her funny looking self! Thin ass hair and her eyes kept buggin out at me. Tyler Perry shoulda slapped Madea's wig on her head or something. DAMN! It was sooo distracting.

Asian Food:
So I went and got some chicken wings and shrimp rolls yesterday. I only buy their food when I crave it and even then I try to get something I can recognize. I also sit and watch them make my food. Shoot I don't trust 'em. And I don't get none of that "brown sauce" that smells exactly like urine. Anyway. They make my food and I ask for ketchup. The cashier say's "No ketsup. We onlee haf ha-sauce."..Umm. All black ppl don't eat hot sauce (I mean..I DO but that's not the point lol). What the hell kind of establishment doesn't have ketchup? Pfft! Then as I was leaving the cook said something is whatever-nese they are. The ghetto-nese in me wanted to drop kick a bitch but I didn't even know what his slick ass said. Plus I wasn't tryna get arrested over no damn ketchup. Breathe in. Breathe out..........

Dick Talk:
Back to what I was saying about small penis'. My cousin FunnyGirl said she cut some dude off because he had a small dillznick. He was a nice guy but the thing was so small she said had to knock on the balls to ask if the dick could come out to play (lmao!). We was on the floor crying for a good 15minutes. Then he had the nerve to get all pouty after she said she didn't wanna have sex with him. Fellas if you have a small penis, or any penis at all: Do not get mad if a girl say's she doesn't want sex. This shows us that you have bitchmade tendencies and probably don't know how to handle us anyway. The key is confidence fellas.

Chile Please--Let me get right for this boo lovin' that's bout to go down..

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sinner Speak

So last Sunday was the first time i'd been to church in over a year. My last job I worked on weekends so I couldn't even if I wanted. And I felt bad because my mom has been heavy in the church for the last 3 years and has been asking me to come along with her. Now, I wouldn't consider myself a religious person, I do believe in something (or do I?). Most of it has to do with me not believing in the some of the propaganda and hypocrisy of the Church. I just don't get with all the hand-layage, and tongue speakage that happens on a Sunday morning.

Needless to say I got dressed despite my little red friend and her accompanying buddy--the cramps. Mom said it was "Friends and Family Day" so how fitting. We arrive and mom scoots me over to the 'newcomers' table where they have pamphlets and the like. Even though i've been to the church several times before I politely take one and speak to the lady with a short afro. She ask's "Is this your sister?" referring to my mom. I reply "No..She's my mother.." Mom loves the attention and she was blushing all over. Mommy looks waaay too young to have a 24 y.o daughter. Shoot, I look like i'm 18 on my good days. Anywho, we sit in on the pre-service and it was cool. The music was poppin and they even show the lyrics on the flatscreen television so you can join it (church is huge!) At the start of the service they made all the visitors stand (awkward). The sermon was nice and the minister wasn't too shabby himself (curse my lustful ways! haha). Towards the end the teen members performed a play in which a girl is walking with God until different characters pull her away from him: Lust, money, alcohol..until finally she fights all of them and finds her way back to God. It was moving and I almost shed a tear. Next, the moment i've been dreading: Call for new members. Mommy gave me the side eye but she knew I wasn't going up there. And good thing I didn't, Minister started laying hands on people and telling them to speak in tongues: "Open your mouth!!" he'd say. I would have passed out on the spot from sheer embarrassment. Mom just wanted me to go up so she could meet Pastor. In the end she was happy and it felt good to make her happy. I told her I would come with her on Easter. As cliche as that may be..

Chile Please--Please don't pressure me..

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Spring Break!

Yayyyyy! After busting my culo all semester I finally get a break. Even though i'm not going out of the country or to a warm beach in some corner part of the country i'll still enjoy the time off and the luxury of sleeping past 6:30. These last few months have been so hectic I can finally breath. Last night me and my girls got all fresh to death and went out. Before then I hadn't had a drink in saaaaaaaaaaay about a month so you know a sis was straight up tipsy (but best your Lovely one can handle her apple martinis). And no, I didn't end up going home with any of those fine brothas. Most of them were boo'ed up in the corner somewhere. Don't you hate that ladies?! Nothing worse than a fine ass man walking towards you then you realize his ole stanky butt girlfriend is right on his heels..*sigh*..Whatev, the club is not a proper place to catch a man anyway. It's like going fishing in a pond...The only thing that bites is dirt and old trash..

In man news:

SexyJamaican and I got it in a couple weeks ago. Not that i'm complaining but it seems like that's all we ever do now. And not even on a consistent basis. Ok. I'm complaining now. It's once every 2 weeks..I'm lying--every 3 weeks when he comes up my way. I hate being in this situation. There's so many red flags and i'm sick of ignoring them. The last time we were together his phone rung in the middle of sex at 4a.m. And I swear men say the darndest things when they're up in some poom poom. Case in point: He goes"that must be your phone *ring ring*...you sure that ain't your phone??"..Ummm excuse me but i've had my phone for well over a year and I can assure you I don't have any stupid ass jingle ringtones. I feel like Joi from Friday when she walked up on Nia.."Whoodafuck is that BITCH?!!!!" But I digress, we aren't together and I can't get all out of pocket for a dude that's not even mine (but oh how I want him to be) On one hand I want to cut off the sex to prove a point that I can resist him but on the OTHER hand i've been having sex with him for the last year and I just don't feel like putting myself out there with anyone else. I'm shortchanging myself and I know it. This shit is the worse :(

I started a new rotation and my new professor is kind of a hard ass. Not a hard ass in a bitch way but she wants to make sure her students knows there stuff. She's great at what she does and I hope I learn a lot. Last week was my first time on a med-surg floor and she made me do 3 glucose (that's sugar for you non medical folk) sticks just to make sure I was comfortable with it. My first patient was all bitchy talmbout: "Why you sticking it there?!!!!". Because I can BITCH! Then some old black man came strolling out his room in that thin ass gown asking me for a bed bath and massage. Fool! If you don't....

OoooOOoooooo, and guess who I saw last week. BLACKMON. Yes, the crazy ex that I was telling yall about (No I haven't forgot about part 2!) Well, anyway I was on my way to class one morning and it was pouring down raining; and not cats and dogs, it was raining horses out that bitch. I looked to my right and saw him standing at the bus stop. He starts flailing his arms and calling my name as if I was gonna stop...Wanna know what I did?

Chile Please- I left him standing in the pourin rain...