Friday, January 25, 2008

Back to school..


I've been slack with posting--this I know. But the semester recently started and i've been running around like a crazy person. Just one more year til graduation and grownup-hood(I can't wait!!!). Well, in the meantime nothing much has been going on with my life besides school. I'm in a competitive medical program (yes Ms.Lovely is pretty darn smart) and there is no room for fuckery and drama. I need to be on point.focused. That means ZERO distraction from those who have 6-8inches or hard flesh protruding from the pelvis. Last semester I cut off my social life so severely that I had people wondering if I had fallen off the face of the earth. Trust me, this will not be the case this semester. The risk of running myself ragged is so high that I refuse to lock myself away with textbooks and highlighters on the weekends. I've vowed to maintain some sort of social life while avoiding the madness. In man news, SexyJamaican went back to school so i'm expecting to be sexless in the city for awhile. It's not right, but it's okay...I'll use my fingers anyway...

Chile Please- I got work to do...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Period day and Penis Talk




Fellas you might wanna click on the little white x because there's about to be large amounts of estrogen spilled off up in this post.

Let's jump right into it: I came on my period last night (2 days early) but it wasn't like any other period. I usually cramp terribly at least an hour before I come on but this time it was the total opposite. I didn't even know I was on until I went to pee. And the cramps were minimal at best. Odd (I know why but i'll get to this in a minute). Then this morning I went to buy some tampons looking just as terrible as I wanted to be; didn't even bother to brush my teeth yall. I get to the Pussy isle (yes thats what I call it lol) and there's like 3 guys there with ladders and other nonsense. One black man was really cute so you know I made a U-turn right on out of that store. Of all days, why the hell is there men in the Pussy isle??!! That's just my luck. Anyway, why the hell are there so many types of pads and tampons to choose from? No I don't want superthin overnights! No I don't want an entire box of scented superplus! Just give me regular with wings bitch! I swear the stuff us women go through...

The reason why I think my period is acting funny(It's about to get a little X-rated in 3..2..1)

SexyJamaican and I had sex the other day. Yes my horny behind finally got some! And not just regular sex sex. Now i'm used to SJ being a little rough, but this time he tried to give me a freaking hysterectomy. We started off slow with me riding and that was all good and dandy until he decided to throw me over a bar stool. Ladies, the man's penis is anything but small so you know I was feeling e.v.e.r.y thiiiiing. It got funny because he fucked me off the bar stool and I ended up hanging on to the bar "ooooo'ing, ahhh'ing and oMg'ing" After it was over my legs were all wobbly like a baby dear and I know his ass was laughing when I almost ran into the wall on the way to the bathroom. Men and their egos!......................................................................................................I loved it anyway lol.

Ok, next up: All this talk about penis' I've come to the conclusion that I won't be satisfied with anything under 6 inches. We all have our little qwerks and qualms when it comes to sex and this is mine. I've compiled a listed of the men i've been with to back-up my conclusion.

Disclaimer: The following does not reflect the opinions of all women nor reflects the ability of men with average sized penis'. We all know at the end of the day it comes down to the individuals. This is just MY experience.

Number 4
TallNigerian
Size: 5.5 inches with average girth.
Like I said, he was a bunny fucker. Tall, dark, and handsome but in the sac he was wack, corny, and terrible. Little to NO foreplay and non-receptive to direction.
Final grade: 65%

Number 3
BigB
Size 5.5 inches. Thin girth.
The sex was great when the attraction was there. Paid attention and was receptive but his lack of hygiene was just unacceptable.
Final grade 70%
**Would've gotten +5 points for being the first to make me cum but hygiene issue is also -5

Number 2
SexyJamaican
Size: 8.5 inches. Above average girth. Left curvature.
Recognizes his sex ability and utilizes it to his advantage.Likes me to make the first move but will take charge once I get his attention. Provides cunnylinguistic services without being asked. Gets very excited and occasionally doesn't follow directions if he's too excited.
Final grade: 90%

Number 1
BlackMon
Size: 9 inches with normal corresponding girth. Upward curve.
Was very sexually open and conscious of my needs. Probably the only one who actually 'made love' to me. He was very vocal about what he wanted and asked me what I wanted. Always performed foreplay and made me cum several times in one session(both vaginally and clitoral)
Final grade 95%
**Would've gotten +10 for being so consistent for so long, but the crazy factor washes it out.

Chile Please- I'm not shallow, I just know what I want and how I want it....






Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I have been tagged

By MagnoliaPeach and since she said i'm the last to be tagged i'm not going to tag anyone else. Hey I like doing these so I might start one this month...

Two Names I go by:
1. My abbreviated government by friends/family
2. My full government by co-workers, professors

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. These cute jeans with zippers at the ankles
2. A maroon t-shirt

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship

1. Trust
2. A large penis. Whaaaaat??? You know it's true lol

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Chill home under the covers and watch a scary movie
2. Gotta agree with MP..Shoe shop!

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. That second round with *coughsjcoughsneeze*
2. Money :(

Two pets you had/have:
(When I small my father practically had a zoo)
1. I had two orange and black Oscar fish. I gave them silly names and I used to talk to them all the time..cute.
2. My mom bought me a bird when I was 5. I named her Peggy. One day my mom accidentally left the window open in the dead of winter and Peggy froze to death :(

Things that you did last night:
1. Chilled with SJ
2. Watched Project Runway

Two things you ate today:
1. McDonalds breakfast. I had the weirdest craving for a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich
2. Remember that peach danish I was fussing about? Well I went back to the store and bought another one.

Two people you last talked to:
1. SexyJamaican
2. Mom

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. going to the salon
2. work :(

Two longest car rides:
1. NJ to VA
2. NJ to upstate NY

Two favorite holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Christmas

Favorite beverages:
1. Pepsi soda
2. Orange juice

Person no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
1. My pop pop (grandfather)
2. My aunt. She died before I was born but I always hear that she was so fashionable and how I remind them of her. My grandmother gave me some of her old clothes and they fit me perfectly.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Story of BigB



Just some stuff before hand: I spent a good chunk of my pay getting my car fixed. I had to get two new tires, wheel alignments, and some other crap done with the transmission. Now that it's all said and done i'm about 300 bucks lighter and my blood pressure has surely increased a few points. But that's the fuckery I go through with my Model T in disguise.

Anywho, there's nothing really new besides me not taking any calls from any men. I don't know what it is with me but I just don't feel like speaking to anyone or going through the motions with the

"How you doooiiin?" "What you doiinn?" "How you beeeen?" "What you doiiing this weekend?"

The last person I spoke to was my girl Ms.LongHair. There's always that one friend you can call and vent too because you know she got some shit to get off her chest as well; and will make you piss yourself laughing while telling you..I love her for that. I don't mean to be rude to the men but oh well. I'm taking time for myself. And if that means not being bothered for a week or two. So be it. I will say I have been getting random texts from a dude I used to date, BigB.

Grab the popcorn folk!

So, me and BigB hooked up back in '03 when me and BlackMon were on one of our usual yearly sabbaticals. He was the 2nd guy I ever had sex. Believe it or not after all that time with BlackMon I had never orgasmed. Well BB changed all that. The sexual attraction was crazy and we got along way better than me and BlackMon ever could. For me, the attraction was moreso sexual (even though he kissed like a blind fish). I sorta saw him like the older brother (no incest) I never had; I also let him know that this wasn't going to lead to a relationship. He was cool with that. At the end of the day we were just chill/sex buddies. No harm, no foul. After awhile I noticed, BB started to catch feelings for me and that's when I just shut down communication. I gave him the Fade-Away in reversed roles. The sex stopped. The phone calls stopped. We kept in touch through AIM but that was pretty much it. I still had feelings for BlackMon and I didn't want to waste BB's time.

Needless to say, a few months later I ended up spending the night over BB's house. He had gained a few pounds and I was a lot less attracted to him. In essence I was just over the sex buddy thing. We got it in, just for old time sake. It was thee last time I ever had sex with him. I can honestly say that was one of the worst sexual experiences i've ever had in my history of sexual encounters. Why?

1. He was hairy. Not like regular man hairy but bear like hairy. He wasn't like that before.I have no idea why he let himself go like that.
2. He took a shower beforehand but did not smell of Ivory clean soap but of onions and garlic. It just permeated from his pores. And on top of that he was still wet! I tiptoed to the bathroom to investigate and there was no soap. This fool rinsed the hell off yall...
3. I almost vomited during sex.
4. He kept talking like a porn star "Oh yeeeea, you like this dick?!" and other random Bootytalk dialog.
5. He pulls out his camera phone and wants to take nekkid pics of me. Ummm. No.

Now 1 out of several encounters ain't bad but that shit right there nigga...that shit right there nigga was bad. We never had sex again. Still kept in contact every once in awhile but nothing more.

Now I know he lives with his girlfriend but he's been texting/calling saying he wants to see me. He says that I should be the one living with him and how he misses me..blah blah blah. Ms. Lovely is not into helping a nigga cheat so i've told him the same thing every single time: "You have a GIRLFRIEND!" Picture Lovely getting caught up in some drama. Yall know I have my fair share of drama but only in moderation. You won't catch me in the streets getting my face all scratched the hell up by Shonquisha Bonita Jenkins. Uh-uh. Ain't happenin'. Despite it all he keeps at it. I don't know what to do and i'm sick and tired of it. He had the nerve to call me one day while I was getting ready for work wanting to 'swing past.' Negro shouldn't you be wiping the dribble off your lip this time of the morning? *throws my hands up*

CHILE PLEASE- Stop tryna get that old thing back...

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Fuck Shit Damn Bitch!!




If you haven't already gotten a clue by the title of this post, i'm pretty pissed off today. I don't feel like typing an entire post so i'll just list a few; NO several reasons why.

I despise winter.
I hate my job.
Most consumers are idiots and I am convinced 99.99% sat down at my goddamn desk today.
I just got paid and I want to $hop...BUT....
My car needs to be fixed. Instant attitude.
I'm tired of living home.
I have no space.
Too many guys are pursuing me at one time (Yes i'm complaining because that shit is annoying after awhile)
Somebody ate the last peach danish after I intentionally hid it.
My best friend is on his way back to school tonight. I'm gonna miss him :(
My brother and sister did something funky to the PC and I had to delete everyfuckingthing. All my music is G-O-N-E!
I am still horny.
Spring semester is almost here and I don't wan to go back.
My hair is not done how I want.
I feel ugly.
Nauseas (no I am NOT pregnant)
I feel depressed.
Bored.
Lonely.
Blah.


I'm quite certain a certain type of stress reliever from SJ would make me feel temporarily jovial but i'll be right back where I started by the time i'm able to walk again. I guess there's really no choice but for me to deal with my bitchy mood until I can find another substitute.

CHILE PLEASE- I am not in the mood today...

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

New Year Randomness




Every year I end up spending my new years in the house. No glitz and glamor, no freakum dresses, no new years kiss. Woe is me..woe is me. Anywho, this year I really spent it alone alone. Literally, by my self. My family decided to go to church and all of my friends were boo'd up and or drunk before 10pm. I hate being a 3rd wheel so I just stayed in to be at peace with myself. It was nice but could've been better. Oh well. I don't make New Year's Resolutions because I think they are stupid. I have made a million empty promises to myself that I never honor. So why should I make one out loud for every one to say "I told you so.." One thing I do really want for myself this year is a new car. My car is a piece of crap that barely gets me to point B without a fight. I have to warm it up for at least 15 minutes before I pull off and people think i'm kidding when I say it stalls at every corner I turn. It's embarrassing really.

My mom has the flu which is weird because my mom never gets sick. NEVER. She thinks she's superwoman and didn't take my advice when I told her to stay in last night. She came home early from work today and has officially turned me into her Kizzy Slave. Get this. Do That. I want soup. I want tea. Advil! Nyquil! Arrrrgh..it's driving me nuts but I don't care. I love my mom and she deserves a break. Heck, she even helped me pay my cell phone bill so i'm not complaining.

I am soooo horny (thanks to ovulation) and I have no one to have sex with. I mean, I do but I don't want to deal with the bullshit and emotions that come along with it. Just come over here, take off your clothes, let me have my way with you(several times), and then BE GONE! Is that wrong? I didn't think so.

CHILE PLEASE
- A new year=new drama...