Monday, August 13, 2007

Why are men such DICKHEADS?



Besides the obvious fact that all of them have one (be it huge or small) betweenst their legs..Why do they slowly talk their way onto my "Reject List", otherwise known as the scorned upon "Friends List." Fellas let me let you in on a little secret: All the "Friends List" is, is a compiliation of rejects. He's either considered too nice, stupid, not attractive enough, corny, can't fuck, or just a flat out dickhead. Most of our lists are occupied with dickheads with a combination of uffed up qualities. So there you have it. Back to our regularly scheduled program..

After my nasty & well deserved breakup with Black Mon this past spring I had a Miss Celie moment..I looked in the mirror and said "Fuck that shit! You are beautiful, intelligent, sexy as hell..So get out there and shake yo' shimmy girl!" I got over his ass right quick and started dating (something I really never did..) Anyway, after a few dates 'some'..a few (not all) of the guys I've dealt with turn into penis' right before my eyes.. Maybe it's me, but does this sound familiar to you ladies?
  1. Meet Mr. Nice Guy at random social gathering(well he seemed nice at the time..)
  2. Make small talk about general stuff (i.e., school, work, a lil sex chat)
  3. Exchange numbers and go out on a few dates..
  4. Around the 3rd or 4th date Mr. Nice Guy makes a random, fucked up comment at dinner like "Damn my ex girl had a phat ass! You think you could drink some more milk??? hehehe :) "
  5. You stab him in the eye with your salad fork. (Cmon..You know you wanna!!)
Anway, what i'm tryna say is guys please stop being jerks. If we've gone out on more than 3 dates with you, chances are..We like you. And most likely want to make something more of it.I know it's hard (not really unless you're a complete moron) but think before you speak. This is for the morons: We do not want to be told of previous pussy conquests; we are jealous by nature no matter how many times we say we can take it. We do not want to be constantly informed on how great your dick game is, because if that's all you have to talk about, your penis probably has the stamina of a ramen noodle in a lava pit. Lastly,DO NOT pick up the phone to speak to your ex girlfriend in the middle of dinner. (YES I've had this happen to me! Ree-dick-culous!!)
"Why so mad?" you might ask. Let me tell you why a bitch is mad...

Sure I know there's plenty of dick in the sea but there wouldn't be so many reject dick fooling me into taking the bait if there weren't so many dickheads floating on the surface. We need the full package, not just the tip fellas!

Chile please..stop being a dickhead.

Brief History

Right now i'm at the point in my life where I feel like time isn't on my side. Every internal clock is ticking. The Money clock. Baby Clock. Sex Clock (good lawd I could use a good dick lashing right now!).. I'm only early 20 something but after a 8+ long relationship that recently ended with, we'll call him "Black Mon", i've come to the conclusion that it's time to grow the hell up. Emotionally. Mentally. Sexually. Shit..basically everything that ends in "ally." Granted this relationship was not in the slightest a healthy one (we'll get to that later) it taught me a lot of things that made me realize [Mary J Blige] life is too short to be tryna play some games... [/Be Happy] All I really want is to be happy! And YES I do realize that a man cannot and will not have the power to do this for me. So here I am, alone and searching for myself and trying not to make the same mistakes my foremothers have unknowingly made. But I am convinced you must know yourself before anyone else(a man) can even attempt to study you. My chapters must be completed before he can read my book. Here is where I get the chance to do this...Unappologetically and unadulterated truth. Things I wouldn't dare say to anyone(not even the closest of friends) will be said. Soooo here goes..

Let Me Introduce Myself

Hello to all! Right off the bat i'm letting you know this blog is a personal one. So if you don't care to read about a black girls strife's and struggles about life, negroes, sex, and just plain fukkery in general; Please, I ask that you direct your mouse to your browser and clickity-clack right up on out of here. I am your hostess with the mostess("drama", that is) but you can call me "Lovely"

Just a brief synopsis of 'moi':

20 something? black. beautiful. female. college student. from the northeast striving to become independent in this crazy ass world and confused with the current state of my love live. (Aren't we all?)But we'll get much deeper into that part...truuuust me.

.So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy...