Wednesday, July 13, 2016

8 years.

The last 8 years of my life have been a blur of happiness, sadness, anger, deceit, elation, changes, resentment, love, shame, tears, joy, and passion.

I've had 3 children come from my body. The 2 that remain are 3 and 5. Boys, with brains full of wonder and bodies packed with energy. My 5 year old is entering Kindergarten in the fall and 3 year old just began pre-school. My boys are smart (they better be after I breastfed both of them for a year!)

I've been a nurse for 7 years.  In those 7 years I've worked in a Psychiatric Hospital, a busy telemetry/cardiac floor, and taught 1st time mothers in their homes for the last 5 years. I like what I do but it's time to advance. I don't feel like a "nurse-NURSE" if you will.  I don't give needles or participate in codes. All that hospital shit. It's too stressful for me and I never wanted to work in a hospital setting anyway. I have my BSN and I want that MSN. I've come to the conclusion i'll go for Pediatric NP next year. I like working with children. Adults are a pain in the ass. Just have to get my ducks in a row.


ActivistGuy and I are breaking  up. I broke it off. We still live together for now but it looks as if we have run our course as romantic partners; for reasons I may or may not explain later. Marriage never happened though we still love each other.

At this point in my life I feel overwhelmed, lonely, happy some days, sad at other times. I'm in the phase of life where nothing but " The Schedule" matters. Wake up tired, get the kids ready for school, find missing socks, fight traffic, drag the kids in, drag ass to work, work-work-work, pick up the kids, dinner, try to keep kids from killing each other, bath, bed, watch L&HH, eat dinner, go to bed (late) and wake up--Mu'fucking tiiiied *in my Young Thug daughter voice*

Something just told me to write about this tonight. So I did.  I know I have lots to be grateful for. And on most days I am.  But, on those days (like today) where I feel mad at the world I need an outlet. This used to be it for me--blogging.

I practice Nichiren Buddhism now. If you're not familiar just think of Tina Turner chanting "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" with her home girl right before she beats Ike Turners ass in the limo in "What's Love Got To Do With It." I became interested in high school. Early January of this year a mutual friend of ours introduced me to it. There's hella black women that practice and made me feel comfortable. Takes getting used to and I forget to chant but it helps when things get really rough. No, I have not abandoned the concept of Christianity but this practice keeps me sane when Jesus is too busy to take that wheel.  Buddha got my back too yall.

CHILE PLEASE- Bear with me...


Monday, August 17, 2015

I think i'm back.

Ok, so I've been gone for a minute. Do people still use Blogger? I've done 161 posts here about my life.  Things have changed quite a lot for me.  I want to write again but i'm not sure if people will be interested in what I have to say.  I have 2 kids, a career, and i'm still with ActivistGuy. My life is pretty predictable at this point. Kids, Work, Home...wash rinse repeat.  I'm 31 and am starting to feel more confident in who I am and want I want out of life.  I have a lot to say and I feel like the only way to get it out is here.  Their are so many bloggers and Twitter, Instagram, and FB make people net famous with the click of a few buttons. I feel like KSwiss....like Reeboks...like side ponytails. Played TF out! ugh.  My thinking is that I will just completely start over. In the meantime, if you want to follow me here's my Twitter account. If anybody's out there give me some blogging advice. Shit, I have a 2 year old licking my laptop screen and am too lazy to look it up my dayum self



CHILE PLEASE!- Somebody...? Anybody...? 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Everyday

It's the same ole shit. I need peace of mind. Goddamn it, this world is so unkind.

Chile please- don't mind me and my corny rhymes. It's just that type of day. Everyday.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Happy To Be Nappy??



Well, at least I don't all the time. 

I got a hair story to tell. Wanna hear it? Here it go!

I am no stranger to doing my own hair. Growing up in the struggle my mother did not have money to send me to the salon every 2 weeks.  Mom dukes broke out the Kiddie Kit relaxer at age 5.


And my face would be just.like.that.

She would keep it in braids, twist, beads, shells and thangs! I had all the dope styles! Occasionally she would break out the big black dreaded hot comb (that is thee only time in life i've ever wanted to hit my mom, esp when she burns the tip of your ear ARRGGH!)  I had that Auntie that knows how to do hair but she wasn't always available.  In high school I taught myself how to care for my own hair: braids, sew-ins, bumping, so an and so forth.  Micro's were my go to style and I was pretty good and quick. My last experience with a salon had me waiting for damn near 6 hours and she didn't do the style I asked for after I tipped her previously. Miss Lovely will not endure that fuckery anymore. Cudos to those who can. Eventually, my hair grew past my shoulders but has never broken the bra strap barrier.

I have been natural for 3 years now.  Before then I was only perming my edges and roots. Becoming pregnant aided me in my decision to abandon the relaxer all together. I chose to transition instead of big chop because simply put: I ain't about that life!

After I had Mr. Baby Man the hair in the front of my hair broke off.  Later the sides and my edges followed and I was devastated.  That thick mane of crown and glory I was so proud of was chopped and screwed. I messed around with a couple of sew-ins until I just gave up and just wore it out. Most of the time I wore it in a banana clip with a bang like this:


I got tired of this and so did my hair


After a few Youtube tutorials and overpriced African salon quotes, I tried my hand at Senegalese twists for the first time this December.


Voila! Took me 3 days.


Took em out 2 weeks ago and put in box braids last week.
Awesome!



Though very time consuming I think i'll stick with braids for awhile, or at least until my edges catch up.  All those cute styles on Instagram give me inspiration but chileeeeeeee.....I ain't got time for that! Nor do I have the patience.  Natural hair is work and all those products.....pffffft! I'm not saying i'm going back to relaxers but damnit it was a lot easier that way.  Every once in awhile that cream crack devil whispers "Just do the edges, that's all." 

God say stay away from the creamy crack, but it harrrd to DO! [in my Abeline from The Help voice]. When I was perming I could wear half wigs (that blended well), straight, updo's, curls. Now, my hair won't stay straight for sh*t in the summer time! Cmon son!  The Natural Hair Care movement is something i'm down with BUT don't make me feel guilty for wearing my hair straight.  And heck no i'm not growing locs.  That's waaaay too permanent for me.

I've encountered one too many (in person or online) self righteous natural coiffed women who think that if you're not down with the movement, you're somehow wallowing in self-hate to appease the mainstream. And on the other side you have black men that claim they prefer  natural hair on a woman but salivate over the first blond hair weave headed chick that struts by. No lie: Since i've been natural I i've gotten way less attn from black men than when I was relaxed.  It's cray cray!

I'm not going back to the crack but if that's what you do, HEY [arms outstretched]..do YOU.

CHILE PLEASE- At the end of the day, does it really matter how we wear our hair?  Colored, natural, twisted, braided, cut, permed, fried, dyed, or layed to the side.  It's what inside that counts right-RIGHT??




Saturday, January 5, 2013

Irreconcilable Differences.


I am experiencing an almost third life crisis. 

What the hell have I done to myself to be so unsatisfied lately?

On one hand:
I have my health.
A career I don't regret and a job I love.
A beautiful baby boy (and 4 months preggo today:)
A partner
A roof over my head
A car

On the contrary..
I feel like crap most days, don't exercise much, and am somewhat depressed.
I love my son ggff (him typing lol) but am worried about having another.
He is just as flawed as I am, not including our relationship issues.
I live in pretty shitty and dangerous city
Time for a bigger car after the 2nd baby
+ More stuff that require separate posts.

What is missing? Hmmmmm. Is it God? faith? religion? peace? Could very well be true but I am prone to skepticism in this area much to the dismay of ActivistGuy.  I know.....I am working on it. Perhaps I need to work much harder, eh?

Anywho,  I am at a fork in the road as to how I reconcile realities with ideologies. 

I feel like my late twenties are no longer mine.  I have a passport with no stamps, a body that will never be the same, bills and responsiblilities, serious relationship issues, few friends, and another child on the way.  If I am being honest with myself, several things have to change but I am not sure where to begin and making excuses is seriously getting old. 

CHILE PLEASE- Things done changed.







Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sentences.

Between the baby, relationship drama, new job I am exhausted.

I am happy with where my life is.

I'm never broke and my bills are paid.

BUT

I cannot find time for myself.

There aren't enough hours in the day.

I want to exercise.
Eat right.
Take my baby for a walk.
Go on a date with AG.
Look good.
Smile more.
Take some new pictures.
Learn how to sew.
Start a scapbook.
Paint my nails.
Try a new recipe.
Bake cookies.
Have a drink or two (or three or four:)
Be the life of the party.
And just be plain ole' fab.

CHILE PLEASE- Motrin is not helping!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Things done changed.




hellooooooooooooooooooooo ALL!

Real quick:

ActivistGuy and I are still going strong.
The baby is going on 5mths and he is amaaaaazing.
I started a new job with non-zombie hours.

Love my life. Everything has worked out for the best. I am blessed. We all are.



How are my lovelies? I need to revamp and remodel this blog. The black is so melahcholy :( I'mma fix this place up.

I miss blogging. I have been writing lately (journaling) and it has renewed the fire within me to blog again. I log on sometimes and don't write a thing because I don't have the drama to talk about. No SexyJamaican or random date, or vodka induced exploit. I feel like I will bore you guys. Most days i'm about as exciting as a rock squeezed between 2 pieces of dry toast being eaten by Nick Cannon. My life has changed so much in the last two years. I'm a f*cking mom now?! And just to think I had dreams of being a hot bish driving around a candy apple red Corvette with a dope condo, donning expensive clothes and a man heaux.

Instead i'm a hot bish driving around a burgundy Lexus (love her), I live in a 3 bdrm house with a driveway..I rock targe', and I'm engaged to the love of my life.

I logged on about 20 mins ago and realized that this will be a different blog. I am still the same Lovely and will continue to share accordingly BUT..


CHILE PLEASE- Things done changed.